"The Edge"
Something has now been done, which
cannot be undone
He stands on the edge of a precipice.
Two, not just one.
Either way, he will be falling
Falling, falling for all eternity
One - a pit of despair - the other -
Love's untranquil serenity
Which way will the wind blow?
There is no way to know.
One can but watch and wait
On the edge, anticipate.
“You”
Like the tinkling of bells
On an early spring morning,
Your voice awoke me from my slumber.
I wonder…
Was it the wind chime?
Or was it you?
Refreshed I woke
From Hypnos’ spell.
A walk through an enchanted land.
Delightful company.
No wonder…
It was you.
A long and dreary day.
Dull monotonous routine.
No chance of a quick chat.
I miss you.
A mild and gentle breeze
On my face, under the evening stars,
Like a kiss. The Sandman lures me towards sleep,
And you!
I sit here, fairly wide awake (but stifling just a few yawns) at 5 past 1 in the morning.
It's not unusually late but not something I should be doing anyway. In the views of my parents or with the view that mid terms begin on Monday. This is Sunday "morning".
Usually, I would be talking to people in Europe on instant messenger.
Currently, I also talk to someone with whom a friendship has been revived. It's good fun. It's lighter than the earlier interaction and so, less taxing.
Mafia is a fairly diverting pastime. It tides me by. However, apparently being a fairly thin-skinned person and not very convincingly logical as far as playing mafia goes, the interest in that waxes and wanes. There's only so many games you can moderate and well, the fun that goes into designing or discussing a game is limited to that process. Hosting that game has amusing moments few and far between.
Then there are weekends where Mafiascum slows to a crawl, and having essentially no life becomes a burden.
The IM-life is slow as well, with lack of things to talk about. What does one talk about with two CS students? Well, other CS students might know. I sure as hell don't.
Even talking with my "best online friend" seems like a chore lately. That's sad. Something needs to be done about that. Another revived IM relationship is refreshing though. It was more in cold storage than completely broken. However, with that person studying currently, I'm back to having no inner 'resources' (cf. John Berryman - Dream Song one or the other)
So...I need a hobby.
Now what constitutes a hobby?
Seeing as how I'm talking to essentially myself, answers are going to be hard but probably fairly revealing. Or are they?
There are obvious choices.
However, collecting anything at all is out of the question, I'm a packrat of the almost worst kind and the last thing I need to do is clutter my space more.
Reading -- I really ought to do that more. My reading appetite has hit rock bottom and bored through. I used to read a lot. What happened to that? 24h internet connection. I think that's what. Sure, it might have been kiddy fiction - Hardy Boys, Enid Blyton - and whatnot but it was something. What happened to the reader? I must find out.
Maybe this is the time I make a 'life altering' (to a certain extent) decision of spending less time at the PC and more reading. Is that even possible? I'll probably only watch more TV. Otherwise, with mum at her shows, I'll be in my room, back at the PC again.
I know I can be without the PC when on vacation. That's a mental state, however. I know I won't have access to my regular things. However, when the thing's sitting in front of you, with nothing else to distract you and a connection waiting, I don't think I can help myself.
Actually, at this time, I think I could help myself. Do I want to? That's the question.
I suppose blogging could be an alternative.
Is it worth it? Waxing eloquent to what end? Perhaps it would serve only as a way of organising my thoughts. Seeing as that is required rarely and done mostly in bed...what next?
I have no frequent opinions on worldy happenings. I won't say "Even if I did, who cares?" for there have been some recent reports about blogs getting famous through word of mouth. Intriguing. Meh. 'Sif!
Learning German was refreshing and fun. However, the quorum for a class in the suburbs has not been met for the last 6 months. I really should start reading more to keep in touch and develop vocabulary. Reading again. Common thread. Hmm.
Well, as I was talking to a friend on IM about being bored, I mentioned needing something to keep me occupied for short amounts of time. That has been achieved here. No really passionate hobby needed yet. Though, I should really read more. Let's see if I can fix that.
And until the next time I lack inner resources...ciao!
(Who am I talking to?? I swear I get more dissociated everyday! :P)
A new blog. Some more space on the internet tucked away by someone to be made their own.
Some might call it unnecessary loquaciousness. Others might call it being egotistical. Still others, a waste of bandwidth. I'm not quite sure yet which set I belong to but having made this blog, that fact itself might rule out some of the options. Then again, maybe not...
Frankly, I never thought I'd ever set up a blog per se. I've tried maintaining journals earlier - both online and off - and failed miserably after the initial burst of enthusiasm.
There are major drawbacks to keeping a journal -
The very name suggests it must be maintained and written in every day, or at least, every other day. Plus, with a journal, it almost compels you to write down every mundane detail of your life that no one (not even you) would really be interested in. With a blog, you have no compulsion to update it every day, nor must you be mundane (though you can be so) and it's a place for one to voice their personal opinion (though no one is stopped from doing that on a journal). I suppose it's more about the mindset and let's see how this new endevour plays out.
Roald Dahl said that, being a writer is the best job for you are your own master. However, you've got to force yourself to work and that's hell. Procrastination and the drink become your bosom buddies.
Well, let's see. Procrastination - check. Booze - not a problem yet. Ambitions as a writer? Oh dear me no...
So, one might ask - why set up a blog? (and I'm quite aware that I'm just talking to myself at this point and also I'm using way too many parantheses but hey! call it a new style - it's reflective, isn't it? It's gotta have an aside!)
The answer? Just "because" in one sense and in another, a friend's blog led me towards making one. I never thought I'd have either enough opinions or patience to write on anything randomly and this might yet be true but well...stranger things have happened.
Ramble ramble ramble.
Let's wrap up with the title - "Reflections on..."
On what? Well, everything and nothing. This isn't dedicated to any one thing nor can I say I'll talk about a lot of things. Reflections might as well be those of your face off the monitor of your PC as you stare at a rarely updated blog.
We'll just have to see...
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