Hmm...
I dunno whether I'm bored right now and so, actively looking for topics to write about; or whether the recent visit from my cousin and his friends has me looking at how India is different yet interesting...call it idiosyncratic if you will...but...
Love it or Hate it, don't claim to understand it!
That's Ind-yeah!
I was just out for a short shopping trip with mum and well...even 15 minutes outside can give you so many perspectives on people's lives...what you get out of these episodes, depends on whether you take the time to reflect on them...
Mumbai city - is almost definitely a place *most* outsiders would love to hate.
It is a milieu of people from across the entire country and a medley of sights, sounds, smells, flavours and feelings that might only be found comparable in the other "great" cities of the world - a lá New York, Toronto, Shanghai, Hong Kong or Tokyo...
The city is burgeoning at its seams and while I'm not *nearly* as rabid as certain other elements, with regard to the people living in Mumbai, I think it would be useful to give the land here a break.
Set up immigration posts, identity cards and refuse entry to anyone new intending to settle here.
Of course that would go against the freedom of movement and expression that the Constitution affords us...yet, without it...somehow...the order in the chaos might be lost.
But enough of hypothetical situations...
What makes Mumbai different is its people. You cannot sift through the various denizens of Mumbai and delineate them into categories. Of course, there are criteria which you could attempt to use - origin, religion, language etc etc. - yet, you'd fail to get to the essence of the typical Mumbaikar.
If you want to make it here, you need to be willing to work hard, go that extra little bit for the payout and, if possible, have some sort of USP that will make you recognisable (at whatever small level) from the teeming masses.
And that is what Mumbaikars do...
We went shopping for some staples ... wheat and the like.
The first thing the guy mentioned was that the mill was closed today.
This was a grocery store...yet...if you required it...they would have the wheat ground into flour and send it off to you...home delivery...for only the cost of the mill work...
We went across to a couple of vegetable vendors.
One lady was operating with standard weights on her scale, plus a stone or two....balancing the stones (whatever weight they were...we didn't ask) on one or the other side, while calculating how much we owed her...
It was surreal...nobody seemed to care. Nobody asked her either...how much exactly that stone weighed...and how she was calculating what she was doing...
Next to her...a guy who specialised in greens...there was a mouse on his cart...mum saw it; I didn't. He was matter of fact about it. The vendor said: the little fellow comes about to quickly run off with any stray grains of pulses that might fall out of these packages here.
Again...ask...tell....yet...don't ask, don't tell, don't think too much...
One of our fellow shoppers was interesting.
Now, Mumbai is interesting in its cosmopolitan nature as well...Christians, Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs and a myriad of others live together.
Other than being able to tell (most) people apart by their last names, there are also certain physical characteristics still present among people and can mark their religious origin/background. Subsequently, most Christians in Mumbai converse only in English, with broken Hindi and no Marathi. Most Marathi people get by with a local dialect of Hindi and broken English. Muslims...speak a mixture of Hindi and Urdu...rare Marathi and broken English...
The basic point is...people get by...
Today, a lady buying veggies...had to bed to be told what twenty four in Hindi was. The vendor counted in Hindi. The lady completed her order and transactions in Hindi but did not understand the final amount. Hmm...
Finally, we went to get some fruit. As we went up to the stall...another lady had just finished. She tried to hail an autorickshaw but the driver didn't hear her. A boy at the stall volunteered to go get her one, asking what her destination was.
Why did he need to do that?
No reason, other than...
If you want to make it here, you need to be willing to work hard, go that extra little bit for the payout and, if possible, have some sort of USP that will make you recognisable (at whatever small level) from the teeming masses.
Mumbai revisited...
on Monday, May 26, 2008
I don't think this needs much explanation...
Hehe...
Going to be a Pearls day today, it seems...I just logged on to get my regular fix of it on comics.com and this was up there.
There's a reason that I like this strip and also a reason that in certain circles, I'm known as Rat.
There's also a reason I like Stephan Pastis - the creator of Pearls - never having met him.
Other than his good wordplay, he says Rat is his evil alter ego.
Hehe...
Hmm...
That scan below hasn't come out as well as I'd hoped but hopefully you get the idea.
I'm too lazy to fix it.
Actually...scanning is the easy part...meddling with the post can have...consequences.
Yell if you don't get it...
We all know what our Ultimate fate is going to be.
We are here so that we can go somewhere else. Life...ends.
What is there in the Afterlife? No one can say.
Some hold there is heaven; others claim - it's nothing.
Still others say that we might have a while to wait before we find out because sometimes we are reborn. Certain oriental "religions" aim at breaking the cycle of rebirth - as the aim of Life.
Even in this case, we can't say what awaits us later.
The truth remains - this current existence gets over.
I'm pretty sure this is something we don't really dwell upon.
Our current existence is comfortable. Life is good - even with its ups and downs - it's a good experience...
The fear of the unknown is man's fear since the dawn of time and since the first dawn - so many people pass through phases of fearing the dark - the unknown...
Given evolution, we're wired in a way that we don't dwell on it.
Thus, it becomes a little jarring when you're reminded of mortality all of a sudden.
Yesterday, I was watching a Hindi movie called Om Shanti Om. It's based on reincarnation, rebirth for vengeance and so on...
Well, neither the death nor the reincarnation were big issues...
The plot kills off the two protagonists in their late twenties/early thirties.
Early death - before, perhaps, one's time is up...without living to a "ripe old age"... is jarring for me.
If one were to embark on morbid ideation, I think I could pretty decently say that I don't fear dying. I wouldn't have a regret if I died tomorrow. Yet - the nature and method ought to be peaceful.
The movie plot uses fire as the mode of death. I'm averse to pain. No fires please.
Drowning is another method that I imagine would be quite terrible. Not interested.
Quick and painless. Or calm and asleep. Something like that...
Hehe. These are passing fancies and fleeting thoughts but they bear reflecting upon. If nothing else...they're a pretty decent option to whiling time away...
As I thought about all of this, I think I subscribe to the existential school of thought. What is beyond Life? Nothing.
Existentialism can make one despair a little but while Life may seem aimless...one must always remember that - we're here; for whatever reason and while we can, we ought to enjoy the time we have!
I'll close with this scan of a Pearls sunday strip. I recently got the latest treasury: The Crass Menagerie and this particular strip seems very apt! The best part of it all is that for once, Goat seems to agree with what Rat has to say. A rarity in every which way...
Mumbai...
on Sunday, May 25, 2008Work isn't being completed according to schedule and no amount of throwing tantrums will help at this time.
It is warm.
It puts me in a bad and lazy mood...
Technically, I'm out of articles on Friendship for now.
I'm still bugging people and hope to get through the full month's quota somehow...
I had hoped it would've been slightly easier to get the month's quota together but short of harassing people, it is going to be tough.
However, I still soldier on...
As such, any articles that come in now, will be put up whenever they come.
I just had a nice evening out with friends from college and a good dinner at the Noodle Bar...
I've bugged some of them to write. Hope it works out...
Yesterday though, as I poked around some of the rubbish lying around my room here, I found an old diary of mine from the TYBA days... when a poetic bug had caught me somewhat...
Below, you have a poem I wrote, inspired by the same friends I was at dinner with tonight.
The setting: a friend's farmhouse outside of Thane. New Year's Eve. There is no electricity.
We sat around a bonfire, singing and this resulted...a little later...
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This doesn't have a title. So if anyone can suggest one, I will consider it...
Under the canopy
Of a starlit night,
A flame burns
Bold and bright.
Offering warmth -
A welcome respite
- From darkness
And Winter's bite.
A group of friends sits
Huddled together,
Hoping these moments
Last forever.
These memories they want
To cherish and remember;
Till Life's last breath
And dying ember.
BJ shares his thoughts...
on Friday, May 23, 2008BJ...is an enigma. We met by totally random chance 7 years ago. Lost touch...but with Pune being a small place and engineering being a popular choice, mutual friends brought us together again.
As long as you don't break your head over analysing him too much, BJ is an excellent friend. Deep, quiet, no nonsense and yet fun...try to dissect him and you've got yourself trouble.
He's brilliant the way he is, and needs no analysis. Make him smile and you won't need anything else!
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There can be friends with whom you unwind and forget them as soon as you go home, friends whom you trust with your life. But generally I don't categorize friends on these parameters. We always talk with strangers on the bus and cherish those conversations even if we don't meet them ever again. Every friend, despite his so-called category, is important in his own right.
Making new friends is very important as you grow. More the friends, more is the chance of you succeeding in your life. The way of making doesn't matter.
Sunsets is a classmate in Indira...or rather...was.
I hate her. She is far too sincere and unassuming, without the slightest bit of pretentiousness. She seems to stand for exactly the opposite of all the things that I like. However, we're still friends.
What does that say about me?
Point to ponder.
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Friendship….
It is one relationship that has been such an important part of my life. Yet, when I am asked to write on it, I have to think so hard. I’ve always believed that “friends are forever” and if they are not forever, then they were never your friends.
I have lost touch with some people who I thought were my friends. It made me question the relationship. I have to admit, life made me wait a bit too long but its made up to me for all the delay.
My first ever friend and my best friend has redefined the relationship for me and she is the only reason I am able to write on this subject with a smile and great enthusiasm. Before I begin my understanding of this very beautiful relationship, I wanna dedicate this write up to my best friend. I would like to narrate incidents as I describe what a friend is.
Final year college…a critical period in my life…mom very unwell….assignments lined up and exams approaching…sleeping for just 4 hours every night….used to sleep on the bench in college during free lectures. My friend use to make me lie in her lap, make sure that no one makes noise around me....make me sleep like a kid. A friend can comfort you in the worst phase of your life and keep telling you that everything is under control and will be okay very soon. A friend is the shelter you take on a rainy day.
My first ever interview for a job after college…I have a thing with interviews. She stood outside waiting for me. I still remember the warmth of the hug that she gave me when I came out. Whenever you need some quick dose of self confidence…call up a friend and you will discover buoyancy in yourself.
I have always found doing the stupidest of things with my friend….yet the whole experience makes so much sense. I’ve cracked bizarre jokes with her and fallen apart laughing….I am sure they won’t make anyone laugh. When you go for a movie with your friend, you don’t really bother what film you are gonna watch, you know its gonna be great fun.
My friend gives a treat to people (even though she is thousands of miles away from me) when I score well in my academics. She is the one person who will dance in your success and make you dance when you fail.
She has stood by me even when she did not agree with my decision….she has trusted my conviction and just allowed me to be myself. She differed with me on the most critical decision of my life but she stood by me like a rock. Your friend will be your best cover you can imagine…as one grows up, it becomes difficult to define the line between friends and family. My friend is like my extended family.
I realize I am telling you all the good things. Your friend is like a mirror…that, of course, will never lie. I have always got it right back when I have made a mistake. She will be your worst critic yet your biggest fan. She will point out mistakes until she is sure that you’ve got it right. She will appreciate the smallest thing in you when you need to get your confidence back.
I always say that I can never have long lasting relationships with people who lie conveniently and almost compulsively. I know it is an art but unfortunately it does not find place in my list of acceptable things. So, it goes without saying that trust has to be the foundation of friendship. Your life is so comfortable when you know that there is someone by your side whose intentions can never be doubted. This person will never cheat you and the moment you have a doubt, you were wrong about this relationship from the beginning.
I have seen people using the word friend pretty frivolously. I always hold myself back from such a person as far as any emotional bonds are concerned. An acquaintance would have never seen you cry…but a friend would have a wet shoulder every time you cry. An acquaintance will come to your party with a bottle of wine….a friend will stay back and help you clean after the party is over. An acquaintance will party at your success bash but a friend will hold your hand when you taste failure.
A friend will never ask you to prove yourself…. She will know you better than you know yourself. Your friend will never let you go the wrong way. Instead she will take all your ridicule but will not let you falter.
The one relationship that I have the highest regard for is the one between parents and children. I worship my parents. I place friendship right after that relationship. The two people involved in a friendship are equals. They are not judgmental about each other. Friendship survives even when friends don’t meet each other. Friends don’t have to be similar in nature or temperament. They just have to listen to each other and understand one another well.
In a world of cut throat competition where every person wants to use you like a ladder to rise, a friend is a blessing that only fortunate people have. No matter what life have in store for me, I will always be fortunate.
PD - is a school chum who came about pretty late in the school scenario.
In fact, I could say that I didn't really get to know him till a couple years ago.
We have our disagreements but I find his honesty refreshing and feel blessed that there are a few people who have decided to act as a mirror for me. He is one of them.
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So, friendship huh…? Let’s see… What is friendship? Who is a friend?
(For simplicity sake, I would be referring to a friend in the masculine as him rather than him/her)
The most popular view especially when it comes down to putting it on paper is the romantic idea of friendship… A friend is someone who you can share all your feelings with, someone who will be there whenever you need him, someone “who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else”, someone “who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words”, someone with whom “you can have the best conversation without even saying a word” and so on and so forth…
But then, are we defining a friend or a best-friend/soul-mate? A person may have helped you quite a few times but might not have gone out of his way to help you at a few other instances. What do you call him then? Selfish? Not a true friend? Ok.. He may not be worthy of being your best friend. But then it will be unfair to call him just an acquaintance. Or does his inability or maybe even unwillingness to help you out on a few occasions (due to whatever reasons; maybe plain laziness) make him a bad friend. As long as he has helped you out even once with no selfish motives and without expecting anything in return, his deed should be considered a sign of friendship.
More often than not, how many of your secrets and feelings you share with a person is taken to be an indicator of how good friends you are, which is quite correct. This is where the “trust” factor comes into picture. Trust is the most important. But then trust has many aspects - trust him to keep a secret or trust him to do some work of yours that you have requested him to do “on time” and so on. More often than not, these are different people. You may share all your secrets with a friend but may not trust him to carry out that “all-important” errand on time. For that, you will rush to the sincere, hard-working friend of yours. Is he not your friend because you don’t trust him to keep a secret? But then he is the most dependable in other ways, isn’t he? They are all friends; just different types.
Of course, you are more likely to ask the one who knows your secrets to do that all important work. Similarly you may start spilling out your secrets to that sincere, hard-working friend who you trust to do you work as you spend more time together. But that is a different issue.
There may also be a case where both of the above persons may not be your favourites when it comes to doing some activity together – e.g. sitting together in lectures, playing video games, etc. Now consider a guy in college you don’t mind spending time with. A guy you would happily sit next to in lectures, goof around or have intellectual discussions - just enjoy in general (whatever your idea of enjoyment and fun maybe). But you don’t tell each other secrets. He is not even your go-to guy in case you need some help. However, you spend a decent amount of time together and enjoy each other’s company or let me take it a step further – you don’t mind each other’s company. Is he not a friend? But then he wouldn’t pass the classical test of friendship, would he?
My basic point is while all the classical definitions of friendship are correct; ANDing them is not. They need to be ORed. A friend needs to satisfy one or more of those conditions and not all.
The only essential is that you “trust” your friend never to wish (or desire) ill for you. That is the only pre-requisite for friendship. You possibly can’t call a person who thinks ill of/ wishes ill for you as your friend.
Look around… you may have more friends than you know !!!
Words from the Wise One
on Tuesday, May 20, 2008All hail the Wise One! The Godmother of VG Vaze College arrivée!!
Just listen and be in awe!
Hehe. I'm being facetious but Flame is someone you have to meet to get to know...so describing her is pointless. Just go ahead and read.
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I have been very fortunate to have all kinds of friends in my life from loud, crazy, and adventurous to shy, introvert and homely, from possessive, and dependent to carefree and strong. Some of them have been toppers while few of them have flunked exams for years together! From peers of my age to being best friends with someone a decade older! I have a special relationship with all of them irrespective of our likes, dislikes, beliefs and common interests.
I have come to believe that my friends, all of them are like stones, and it is I who carves them. What I mean is how my friends treat me is MY responsibility. So how close I am to a friend or in what way a friend behaves with me is all my doing. It actually boils down to give and get and this is true the other way also. For example, if I am being showered with love and affection by a friend (that’s what he is giving me) I would naturally return those feelings, if not now then certainly in due course. It’s pretty simple if someone’s good to you; you end up being good to them. isn’t it?
As my friend if you are getting love, care and respect from me now, know that it’s your actions that are making me behave with you in this way and at the same time if you are getting indifference and hurt from me that is also because of you. When you sow chilies you will get chilies and not mangoes! and sometimes when you plant something like jackfruit it will take a little bit more time to get but you shall definitely get jackfruit and not anything else.
I remember this especially when I develop distance or some misunderstanding with friends. It prevents me from blaming and accusing them and motivates me to take corrective action, coz it’s you who has to sow mangoes to get mangoes!
So...I'm in Mumbai now...
Long-ish sort of day.
Played in the morning and goofed about.
Drove in in the afternoon...
Dinner with family, preceded by a nap.
As we set out for dinner, I was really made to wonder - how did I live in this place for 3 years?
It's hot. It's sticky. It's full.
*sigh*
But...the area where we stay is pretty much bearable...
We had live music as we ate...the guy sang a couple of "sad" songs.
That made me pensive... I will miss the kids a lot.
I've known for a while that I get attached to some people too quickly and that's slightly the case here...
In some ways I left at a good time, before getting too involved... in other ways, I cannot imagine doing anything else.
I'm in Mumbai for the various formalities that would be required for my next course of study. I daresay that will keep me occupied and distracted...
Ideally, I need to work on this aspect of mine (getting attached) - though perhaps I'm more involved than they are... which is enough of a wake up call to fix the faulty emotional connections...
Also - this attachment and pensiveness does not fit into the "happy or nothing" spiel. So I've started the thought restructuring process.
Things will be fine. Life goes on. This experience was fantastic. New ones await...
Will probably take a couple of days to get out of my system though. Just hope I don't have a relapse when I go back to say the "final" goodbye in a few weeks' time. But then...the finality of that act should act as decent closure...
Oh well...
Article of the Day
on Monday, May 19, 2008Today we have CoCo's sister writing. Caprice is her middle name and in some ways, it describes her perfectly. (Look up the meaning - learn a new word!)
We first met when she was 5 and I, 7 - the first girl that I got along with at all but in many ways...I had no choice...
We have a picture somewhere of her using me as a mattress. So...
Hehe.
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my best friends are the ones i can tell my truest feelings to and they won't judge me. there is a deep understanding and trust in one another. all our actions and words are understood without any mixed signals. i feel great comfort when i'm around them as well as loyalty and attachment. i know that we will be friends for many years to come.
my school friends are ones that have the same work ethic as me. we have fun doing homework together and groaning over our up coming tests, but once school ends, we don't really have much in common.
and then there are the friends i have just for the good times! this friendship doesn't run as deep and isn't as important to me but it's nice to be shallow once in a while and just laugh and joke around.
so over all, my best friends are the most important to me because they are the ones i know will be there through thick and thin! :D
i don't really have any quotes that come to mind... well, there's always this one:
"A true friend is one who reaches for your hand and touches your heart."
but that's a little sappy haha.
Time to get back on track!
on Sunday, May 18, 2008So the last couple of days have been slightly tiring or I've been a little unmotivated to get here and post...for whatever reason but it's time now to get back on track!
Today was a good day.
Played Ultimate after a long while and later, had a couple of my kids over for lunch.
Good times. Pasta + board games = win!
I was going to reflect on various levels/types of friendship on the 16th as the articles coming in have touched upon various different opinions and definitions. However, I think shall save that for the 24th...
My guests today...opened up an entirely different thought process for me from their interaction.
They are brothers - 3 years apart in age - and well...one hears of brothers being "big bro and little bro" and the ensuing interactions. One hears of brothers not getting along (Ambanis, anyone?).
However, these two guys genuinely seemed to be friends.
I mean... of course there was the good natured ribbing that goes on between siblings - especially males ones I suppose - though of course the reason I never considered having family itself as friends (except for CoCo as I mentioned earlier) is because I have no siblings of my own.
Despite the ribbing, I "caught" or rather noticed two instances of sweetness where they had their arms around each other just the way friends do, rather than siblings.
It was very refreshing and very sweet.
M mentioned in her article that her friend is her mum.
Well, I get along with my parents - however, would I call them my friends?
No. Guides. Sure. Have a problem - go to them! Even share a few things...but in some ways...not share all.
In fact, in my levels of friendship, I hesitate to name best friends (reasons will provided in the relevant post) and I have different friends for different gripes. So there is no one person with whom I share everything...
How many of you think you have someone in your family who is a friend?
Siblings? Parents? Close aunts/uncles? If cousins...probably only ones you interact with frequently count. As far as CoCo and I go...we interact online but who knows...while we get along now... we might not do so if we spent a lot of time together ... then again, maybe not... it's something I'd like to find out at some point of time...
Oh well...that's entirely another story and this is not the time for a ramble.
Two articles today though...to make up for lost time.
I feel a little bad about it but maybe...just maybe...might not get through the goal of a new one everyday but will do my darndest to be more pushy to have folk submit stuff!
Hmm...in order not to miss any more articles, I think I will attempt this new scheduling feature that blogger has introduced. Shoud work decently...
Let's find out!
Oh and...
Highlight of the day!
I almost stole a car today!
After Ultimate, as I headed back home with my guests, I went to a car and opened the door lock, got in...my key wouldn't unlock the steering. The car's just been serviced...I wondered if there was a big in it. Did some jiggling around. Asked a couple of people to do it for me. Thought perhaps the steering lock was impeded by tire position. Moved the car a bit - pushed it. As I was trying the lock again I happened to look ahead through the windshield and I saw my car number...
Now one would imagine that one's own car number can't be seen when one is supposedly in it, eh?
Hah!
Apparently, my door lock key opened a random car but at least the steering key wouldn't.
I'm not used to that car yet...I should've noticed the different seat covers etc.
Oops!
Locked the other one. Scooted away and got in the actual one.
This time, they steering key worked...
This post is by Ella, part time princess, part time freelance journalist, full time student.
This girl has literary ambitions in the journalistic vein and does a very good job at her work.
Wish her all the best for the future.
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Well ask any teenager what his friends mean to him, and you will get the most probable answer - "Everything!". In teenage, the role of friends is so great in our life that they become life!
Ishan K writes the following post - one of my students kind enough to oblige and share his thoughts, when I asked for contributions.
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So friends, fellow-bloggers, passers-by, the one whom i am sending this message to and the whole world, may i say (brothers and sisters) please never forsake your faithful friends as you may call them your faithful sidekicks. Rejoice in the name of friendship.
Let the friendship start and not end.
Article of the Day
on Thursday, May 15, 2008Today, we have the Saucepan girl.
She's also Dutch and meeting her was even more random. She's the sister of a friend. Met this friend (and no, at least *I* don't consider him an acquaintance) only once. Never met her. Yet we still talk on IM and have some decent fun.
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Aristotle once said: Friendship is like two souls in one body. This is, I think, a bit over the top, you don't feel that way about all your friends, if any at all.
In my opinion there are different friends. There are friends with whom you can laugh, friends with whom you can talk about certain subjects or do certain things, and friends to whom you can trust your deepest secrets. And indeed, if you're lucky, you have one or two friends to whom you don't have to say anything to make them understand you.
Some would say the last would be your best friend, but for me, friends who are just for clubbing or having fun, can be just as important as other friends.
Some friends will only be there a short time; others may be there for the rest of your life. To predict who will stay in your life is impossible. I notice how I, a year after finishing secondary school, don't keep in touch with some people I thought I would, and the other way round.
Friendship, for me, is to enjoy spending time with someone else, and for the other to enjoy spending time with me. And for every friend, there is a different interpretation to this concept.
G's beliefs about Friendship
on Wednesday, May 14, 2008Today, we have G with an entirely different take on Friendship.
She's my college class mate from Mumbai, as aspiring forensic psychologist...a complete darling to boot!
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G's beliefs about Friendship
I believe in destiny, a divine plan designed for each and every one of us which is played on this earth. Friends according to me are brought together by someone up there, not everyone has a chance to meet each other or rather be friends. Things are meant to be a certain way ….how else would you explain things like say the people we meet who first seem so very annoying become our closest friends and stay with us forever , and those who seem promising and close become mere acquaintances.
Initially, as a child friends and friendships didn’t mean much to me. I was and still am extremely attached to my family .I had my mum who’s like a best friend , my sister my playmate, and my dad a true role model in every sense. Having everything around me I really thought I didn’t need any one else in my life …I was happy and doing very well, friends did exist and I liked them as well, but they weren’t the centre of my universe I always seemed to maintain a distance, though they did want to come closer, I was the one who held back.
Today, things have changed a lot though the closeness and attachment to my family remains as strong as ever; the importance that I give to my friends has increased so much. They are like my extended family without them life would seem so dull and boring. Friends help one grow and mature, discover so many qualities and talents that one never knew existed within themselves. "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin . Well, yes there are those small little tiffs that happen but I believe where’s the fun without all that? It helps two people come closer and make the relationship a lot more stronger.
A relationship based on trust, unconditional love, respect for one another (though may sound very cliché) are all pre-requisites for maintaining it forever. Along with all this I have experienced that each individual in the relation should give a lot of space to the other, understand and accept them as they are. I have realized that initially I had stretched the space factor a little too much. Though unintentionally, and thus pushed myself away from them. Today I am back in touch with almost all of them; it feels so great to experience the amount of love that is there within them for me. I am a happier person because of them.
Once you have called somebody your friend do not let go of them as is very well put by - Charles Caleb Colton "True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
If you care then share how you care with the people that you love and call as “friends” because they are precious and deserve every bit of it.
Only when you give it a sunny smile
Friendship is a lock that opens,
Only when you unlock your true self to it
Friendship is a song, which is sung,
Only when you know its rhythm
Friendship is a dream, which comes true,
Only when you believe in it
Friendship is a sun, which rises,
Only when your heart has set on it
Friendship is a throne, on which you can sit,
Only when you share your kingdom with it
Friendship is a path, which you will find,
Only when you know you are lost
Friendship is a hand that holds yours,
Only when you extend yours
Friendship is an album of reminiscences, which you can leaf through,
Only when you cherish it
Friendship is a lamp, which lights,
Only when you know it will assuage your heart
Friendship is a lantern, which glows,
Only when you need the warmth of it
Friendship is a language, which you speak,
Only when you know the meaning of it
Friendship is a potpourri of feelings, which you can smell,
Only when you have a true friend…
So yesterday evening, I'd completely zoned out.
I'd just finished my last exam for this course of study! I am now (hopefully) a Master!
Whee...!
As such, I basically stayed up late and did practically nothing...way to celebrate, eh?
Well, to make up, today we have two pieces...a poem and then some thoughts.
That also keeps us on schedule.
I've been bugging some of my friends to submit their work as I'm running low on my store...
What sort of friend does that me, eh?
Point to ponder.
Family-friend?
on Monday, May 12, 2008Today's article is by Dooey - not sure anyone calls him that anymore - and in fact, I'm considering calling him CoCo - for reasons that may or may not be explained here...
Hehe...I digress.
This guy lives two continents away. Is a cousin. We just seem to click whenever we get together. In person, online...whatever. We first met when he was 3, I was 7. He didn't talk to much. Subsequent meetings since then...he talks a little more but I have learned to blabber...
In any case...when we talk these days (and it's usually after fair amounts of time) it is just very refreshing. A cousin who is also a friend....
As we both grow up, I've been discovering new sides to him and happy at that...now I know my cousins abroad are not really these warm fuzzy creatures full of sunshine and rainbows...well, they are warm and fuzzy but a little dark too (at times) and I enjoy that!
Enough from me... read what CoCo has to say and learn a little bit about him!
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Some thoughts from CoCo
A friend is someone who challenges you and pushes you in as many ways possible to be a better person and do your best. A friend is someone who criticizes you and forces you to face fears. A friend is someone who knows when to be silent. A friend is someone who will let you cry. A friend is someone who will give their opinion but not so much that it will cause damage. A friend is someone who pats you on the back. A friend is someone who tells you their deepest secrets and you reciprocate. A friend will carry you for a while but eventually force you to walk on your own. And the two most important: A friend teaches you things that no one else could teach you. A friend is honest.
The origin of Friendship Month
on Sunday, May 11, 2008Procrastinated all day, then read some law and had a delicious discussion with Doo, a cousin (who goes up tomorrow) and got distracted.
Today, we have Duckie's thoughts on Friendship. Some of them at least...he's promised more verbosity but I'm using his previous piece, which I read out in my English class.
Duckie is the origin of this entire exercise and today, you get to know a little bit about him
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Duckie's thoughts on Friendship
How can one tell who their true friends are? One could say:
“Friends are not the people we like to talk to, they are the people with whom we like to be silent together.”
At times our friends know how we feel, sometimes even better than we do. With other people you may feel pressured to make conversation; if no one knows what to say the proverbial “awkward silence” occurs. With your friends there is nothing awkward about silence.
I rarely remember discussions with my friends, but I always remember the times when we just sit together, even though for a stranger it must seem that we are doing nothing at all.
Article of the Day
on Saturday, May 10, 2008Today we have VitaminR writing for us.
He's someone I randomly pinged off mafiascum.net. Like Red mentioned in his post, it was like dialling a random phone number but the conversation has been great!
He's dutch, I've met him once and he studies English! [which is an achievement for Dutchies. Most can't spell to save their lives! ;-)
You would also be surprised at the large number of Dutchies actually connected to the web...so you might see another couple showing up here.]
Why do I like him?
I just do. It's very refreshing to talk to him and while we've met only the one time...I think that there are probably no topics taboo and I should get good feedback from him every single time.
I also think the piece he has written is brilliant and perhaps that will give you an idea about why this fellow is special...
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VitaminR writes on Friendship
I think the best way to see friendship is a desire, a desire to be significant in the lives of others. We all want to be able to influence others, to have an audience for our opinions and to be appreciated for who we are. In turn, we want others to influence us, to tell us our opinions are bullcrap before the rest of the world finds out we once held them.
In that way, I think you can define a friend by how willing someone is to listen to you or to change their plans for you. A friend is someone you can call up out of the blue who will rush right over. A friend is someone you can convince that cannibalism is a pretty okay idea (if you are so inclined, of course).
In the end, we all want to be reassured that we matter and friends are a way of doing that. They can turn lonely, listless evenings into something useful, because it was a shared experience. A friend is someone who can make you feel like your idea of crashing on the couch all night watching
A good day!
on Friday, May 09, 2008I finished the second of my last five exams for this course.
I was actually a little worried about this one but after "studying" for the last couple of days, I felt pretty good about it...even with leaving some things for "option".
I got to the exam center before anyone else and dazed/dozed away some time till a classmate came to sit with me. That was good as I picked his brain about some things I was not sure about...and this turned out to be quite a good thing.
Eventually, SV the S/P came up and he'd read the blog...I'd also used that epithet for him while talking to Doctor last night and she'd passed that on. Hehe...he was *not* amused.
However, I was quite amused by his reaction...poor fellow...he genuinely seems to feel bad about being called that (S/P) but then of course, evil kritter that I am, I shall continue...for precisely the same reason!
Haha. I got death threats from him and he asked why I didn't say good things about him to others. Meanie that I am, I said he's not a good guy but...it all boils down to this...I've asked some people to write for me on this blog. I spend time with only those people I like and I definitely speak civilly with people I think are decent...
Since he fit all those categories, I just told him to stop being a block head and use his head...
Oh well...but I had a real good laugh about this. Made my day. Absolutely.
Things got better as the exam started. The paper was a cakewalk. I'm quite happy about it. However, this is not to say that happiness will necessarily reflect in the mark sheet. The mystical arbitrariness of marking papers in this system...just has to be experienced to be believed. Oh well..bygones.
Came home feeling peckish and went next door to Uncle Sam's (Not kidding) who'd made some really brilliant Pav Bhaji. I hogged it...and on my way back, had another giggle...
Auntie (Uncle's wife) returned a knife of ours that she borrowed and I was about to set off when another aunt (Mum's sis. Uncle is also Mum's bro btw...CONFUSED YET???) said..."don't take it like that!"
I was like..."um...what?"
There's a lot of old people living in that building and if they'd seen me walking about with a bare knife...(and it was a large one) a couple hearts might've stopped but channeling some sociopath feelings myself, I said that it's all in how you held a knife...in your hand...or by the hilt...
Most of you might not be able to picture what I mean by that...next time you're visiting...ask me to demonstrate!
*deranged cackle*
I've not let him have too much peace since then and it's been pretty interesting for me.
I've been lucky enough to freeload a bit around Sweden because of him, including visiting one of the prettiest places on this planet...
His take on Friendship is something that definitely needs sharing and it'd be good if anyone had any responses to his question. Reply by way of comment!
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Friendship by Red
Sure; old friends are remembered and friendships might be picked up again, but overall, this is the pattern I have noticed throughout my own growth. But something is changing.
Maybe it is age; with me being older and actively thinking about this I get a larger wish to keep old friendships intact. I can’t disprove this theory in any way, not having other people’s experience to compare with. But even if that is the case, I would like to attribute it partly to technology. It is today trivial to keep in touch with people, even when they are on the other side of the world. Sure, after moving to France I have picked up a new set of “Best Friends”, but for once, I have not left my old ones behind. Despite being 1600 kilometers away, I can still chat with them on IM. I still frequent the same IRC channel that we used for communication all through university. Even though I have met them face-to-face less than 5 times over the last 2 years, some kind of connection is still alive.
As another effect of the same ideas, however strange it sounds, it is today not necessary to have met to become friends. No one would ever think of dialing a random number on the phone and make friends with whoever answered, but yet that is what we do nowadays, online.
I will try my hardest to keep in touch and keep alive as many friendships as possible. Online chat, IP telephony, and Facebook-like communities all help me in this endeavor in ways that was not possible just a few years ago.
What do you think? How has technology changed your friendships? While I can see myself as an extreme case, I’m certain that I’m not alone.
An exercise on Friendship
on Thursday, May 08, 2008Now, it's called "expansion on an idea" and they have to use a proverb, explain the idea and then give an example to expand on the idea...
I dunno how we would've felt about the current english composition syllabus if we had it when we were in school but though they've increased the components, I think they've made it pretty interesting.
O asked me whether I would be airing my thoughts on Friendship. Well, I've already done so once...here.
Also, like I mentioned previously, I will give a summation of my thoughts at the end of the month.
I decided to cheat a little though. Perhaps I will have comments every week...and have an ongoing evaluation...plus a "rebuttal" in the end...
Let's see how it works out.
For now...I've been tremendously pleased with the response and the various different views...and it's funny...but even though every person seems to have differing views...I can't seem to disagree with anyone in particular...everyone makes very very pertinent points. It's funny that some people would choose to reflect on something in particular, while I agree with all.
Or maybe it's just some sort of bias since this is coming from my friends and I'm just enjoying it so much.
Be that as it may, I think I will probably give a list of the ideas I agree with most...at the end of the entire exercise.
For now...I'm sharing one of the things I created for my class session for std. X
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Someone once said, “Books and Friends should be few but good.” This saying seems to reflect quality over quantity. The kind of friends one has is more important than how many. While I disagree about the part about few books – one can never have enough of those, I do agree about the quality of friends.
One can have many “fair weather” friends who stick with you when the going is good. However, when the going gets tough, only the true friends stand by your side and help you through their support. These will be very few as “in prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends.”
Hesh says: Friendship is strange
on Wednesday, May 07, 2008Today we have Hesh - old schoolmate - hotshot architect of the future - and (most would agree) a nice guy.
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Friendship is a strange thing...
'dosti' – a word so small yet can envelope your whole life……
We find ourselves telling each other the deepest details of our Lives...things we don't even share with our families. But what is a friend? A confidant? A lover? A shoulder to cry on? An Ear to listen? A heart to feel…. A friend is all of these Things and perhaps much more. No matter where we met, no matter how long we've been Together...I call you a friend. A word so small, yet so large In Feeling, a word filled with emotion, a word overflowing with LOVE. Truly great things come in small packages. Once the package of Friendship has been opened, it can never be closed. It is a Constant book always waiting...waiting to be read...and enjoyed. We may have our disagreements...we may have our disappointments...we may argue...we may concern one another...friendship is a unique bond that lasts through all tribulations. A part of each of us goes into our friendships...our humor...our experiences...our tears. Friendships are foundations...necessary for life...and love….
“Friends...you and me...You brought another friend and then there were Three...we started our group...our circle of friends...there is no beginning, There is no end….”
Even though I don't speak to you all Everyday...or even as often as I would like to...You have all crossed my Path Of life in one way or another...some of you I've only bumped Into...Some have walked a while with me... And some of you will continue To walk with me...but DON'T EVER THINK FOR A SECOND that Since we aren't in constant contact...that I don't think of you all...because if it wasn't for coming across all of YOU... Who knows? I would be a completely different person...and...Well...I am Happy with how I've turned out so far….. Thank you to all my friends.
My latest public ambition!
on Tuesday, May 06, 2008Well...this is the second time that I'm publishing an aim in my life here.
Come to think of it, I've never sat and thought about such things at all earlier...
But now that I have a sort of diary to record these things, I am...
My latest aim added to the "to do" list is: Learn the Quickstep.
Today's contributor is: SV - A sociopath I call my friend (he won't like having been called that and I probably won't be alive to post tomorrow but oh well...
Let the lack of aim fulfillment in my life forever be a burden unto you if you kill me, S/P ;-)
Hehe...all kidding aside...SV is a one of a kind (I hope) person I met at my post grad college in Pune...I think you will see what I mean when you read what he has to say...
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Friendship: by SV the S/P
The most important thing in friendship is TRUST, some people might differ on that by saying no its caring for someone or loving but all that is rubbish if you think about it. How can u care or love someone whom u dont trust??? For me trust is the foundation block of friendship, i am friends with only those people who i trust and who trust me and i trust only those and want those to trust me for whom i care.
Another intersting thing is people try to find friends who are likeminded or have something in common, now you will probably say thats because people like being with someone who is like them. BUT the most important reason behind this phenomenon is their own conveniece. Convenience of not having to go through the process of changing things in that person u dont like, but is it necessary to have someone change because of u? i dont think so, i accept my friends for what they are and not for what i can make them into according my needs and likes. Sometimes all this friendship thing sounds too much to me because i get irritated by those 99% people i mentioned above.
For instance if u r in a problem or feeling low they will keep digging for information and ask u stupid questions they cant do anything about and on top of that the usual "Hey dont worry everything will be fine. " or "Let me know if i can do something". This whole thing might sound a bit rude to some people and might be the reason that i have very few people whom i call my FRIENDS and believe me i feel really lucky to have those few friends.
Article of the Day
on Monday, May 05, 2008She wishes to also be known as: Princess Consuela Bananahammick (sic) and doesn't mind being called the Laughing Cow.
Up to you to be the judge ;-)
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Friendship is a term used to denote cooperative and supportive behaviour between two or more humans. Thats the wikipedia definition of friendship.I dont agree with this definition completely though. Because friendship need not involve just humans.
I am quite a secretive person so i cannot say that friendship is a relation in which one tells his/her friend everything bout himself/herself.Though it is expected that they do so in most circumstances.
Something interesting on friendship-
In kindergarten your idea of good friend was the person who let you use the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
In primary school your idea of good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you,helped you stand up to the class bully,held your hand,shared their lunch,saved a seat for you and knew who you had a crush on but never understood why.
In secondary school your idea of good friend was the person who let you copy their social studies homework, never let you lunch alone and went to parties with you. In college your idea of good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car,convinced your parents for late night outs and trips,consoled you on your break ups,guided you on the career path.
Now your idea of good friend is the person who still gives you the better of two choices,hold your hand when you're scared,thinks of you when you're not around,reminds you of what you have forgotten,stays with you to give you confidence,helps you deal with pressures,goes out of his way to give you time,helps you become a better person and loves you as you are.
More matured friendship involves complete understanding for your friend.You can actually know how your friend will react in any situation.You can empathise with your friend.Thats what true friendship is like.
All these emotions of friendship are so very well depicted in the teleseries F.R.I.E.N.D.S.You can see the epitome of friendship among the lead characters.They have a rocking time always at their favourite hangout place central perk.They do fight as well and yet get back together within no time.They are so different yet so similar because of the common thread called friendship. Sacrificing, Adivicing,Sharing, Caring, Guiding, Supporting, or sometimes just being there with your friend is what matters in friendship.
The title track is what touches your heart which goes like-
So noone told you life was gonna be this way,
your job's a joke,your broke,your love life's DOA,
it's like you're always stuck in second gear,
when it hasn't been your day,your week,your month,or even your year.........
I'll be there for you,
when the rains starts to pour,
I'll be there for you,
like I've been there before,
I'll be there for you,
coz you're there for me too.................
This one tells how you should be with your friend through thick n thin once you take someone as a friend.Friendship is not only about laughing together but also crying together.When you laugh together you remember it for life and when you share sorrows and cry together the sorrow should vanish away in the air.
While writing down all this I remember my friends who have been there for me always.We have shared crazy moments together.Actually i have been crazy in most of these times and they have enjoyed it.I dont associate friendship with any single person in my life.All my friends define friendship for me.Any one of them missing and the jigsaw puzzle is left incomplete.So wherever you guys be,in any corner of the world do remember that sumone really misses you and keep in touch so that my jigsaw puzzle of friendship remains intact.Miss all you guys from school,college and all my friends.....love you a lotttttt.
Enjoy.
Another piece of blog fodder contributed by wordsmith.org's A Word A Day service and its allied emails.
The Slithergadee by Shel Silverstein
The Slithergadee has crawled out of the sea.
He may catch all the others, but he won't catch me.
No you won't catch me, old Slithergadee,
You may catch all the others, but you wo--
Mickey shares thoughts on Friendship
on Sunday, May 04, 2008All the responses which have come in have got me thinking and perhaps at the end of this period, I'll put together a "rebuttal" post of sorts...not bashing friendship of course...but more like a response to points of view and reflecting on this exercise as a whole.
For now...here's Mickey!
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I've been told by people i am too loose in my definition of 'friend'. I've had pals who only really called one or two people their whole life their friends, while I'm more than happy to chat with a complete stranger on a train for 20 minutes and call them my friend afterwards. Not to say of course this person is on the same level as the man i knew since elementary school and whose wedding I'll function as Best Man soon. I call them both friends, but it's obvious i put one on a greater level of friendship than the other.
To me the prime requirement of friendship is to be able to be comfortable in their presence, and be able to hold a pleasant conversation with them. As an internet dweller, this extends to conversations not only held face-to-face, but also to e-mails, IM conversations and certain blogs. If I'm later able to meet these internet friends in person, it is almost guaranteed to be a fun time in the making. Because not only am i hanging out with somebody i already consider a friend, but many times people behave differently offline than on, and so in a way, I'm meeting a whole different person too!
Thoughts on Friendship from O
on Saturday, May 03, 2008-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's Contributor: O
I think that's the key to friendship- treat it the way you would when you were a kid. A kind of importance, that doesn't need conscious attention. You just know that despite a spat, it doesn't end there. You'll put it behind and move on.
Everything else that describes friendship is perhaps what is basic to any relationship and goes without saying. Trust, reliance, fun, love, care, understanding… all of that.
But these days I'm beginning to narrow down friendship to nothing more than a hug.
It says it all doesn't it? Seems like every proverb or adage about friendship can be summed up in one very simple yet wonderfully deep expression of affection- a hug. That divine tool designed to bring people together and bond them in the wordless beauty of togetherness and mutual strength.
Just to make a smile wider and a dry day brighter!
Lucas SG writes About Friendship
on Friday, May 02, 2008Lucas SG writes About Friendship
I don’t really know how to start a text about friendship. I guess we must start from the beginning, but I could never really distinguish when or where a true friendship relation started. Somehow it just did.
For me, being friends doesn’t mean that you will necessarily remember my birthday and at that day you will send me flowers or an e-card. I guess an agenda could do that, or even a good memory could do it. As my memory is not that efficient, and neither my friend’s is, I believe that being a good friend is maybe not remembering that day, but being able to be wherever a friend need, whenever he/she/they call.
I prefer to get a call from one of my friends at 3 AM, when he/she is sad and feels like talking to me, than to get an e-card every year at 00:01 AM, on my birthday. You must wonder why. It is simple. When he/she is calling you, it is because only you could help, or maybe because you are the only one who would listen, or the only one who would have the perfect advice, or something like it. An e-card is something so cold, that when I get it I feel like receiving one of those forwarded messages. I guess it is because somebody wrote it to someone else. (It is a lot different to get a post-card or a “normal” greeting card, but I won’t take this subject too long anymore.)
As the song “Loose Lips” from the Juno Soundtrack says “if you wanna burn yourself, remember that I love you. If you wanna cut yourself, remember that I love you. If you wanna kill yourself, remember that I love you”, I guess this feels like a real friendship relation.
For me, friendship is something naïve, something that is faster then our perception. When we think about it, we are already good friends. That’s how I feel about it.
Amitié by M
on Thursday, May 01, 2008I almost couldn't begin on time because of a diabolical phone service but yay for relatives!
The broader idea behind this effort is for me to learn something about my friends; and also, to allow my readers to learn something about the people who may be mentioned here now and then. (And if, in the bargain, I gain more readers...w00t to that! ;)
Right...so we begin with a contribution by M, a former classmate - first to send in her piece.
Enjoy!
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Amitié by M
I always associate friendship with some of the most amazing people in my life – RWS, Rev, Tings, Ro, VJ, Dotty, JB and C. Nevertheless, I would like to talk about my friendship with the most beautiful woman I have ever known – Ms. L.
I can’t say Ms. L is my oldest friend ever, but she belongs to the league of the few people who matter the most to me. I don’t know how I should portray Ms.L - she is a part of me, someone who is always there for me and who stands by me, who makes me realize my wrongs and helps me to translate them into rights, who knows how to cheer me up when I’m down, who provides me with tissues when my tears come like the “summer tempest”, who I take for granted at all times and most importantly who loves me unconditionally.
Well this can be classified as a clichéd representation of the term friendship; for some it might sound schmaltzy or even idyllic. Why not? As a matter or fact, it does sound kind of gushy (so feel free to sigh/yawn or give the oh-god-not-again look). I am going to be persistent.
Ms. L and I go a long way back but the surprising friendship we found between us is only some 7 odd years old. Nothing nonconforming but somewhat unforeseen. We didn’t even realize when we’d become so close to each other. It never mattered. Was it just the being-together for so long that made us such good friends? I don’t know and I don’t want to know because it doesn’t matter - I’m glad I found my soul mate in Ms. L. I second what someone has rightly said “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” I never thought I’d go for live ghazal performances or meditation classes but I did participate in these activities with Ms. L and let me admit it wasn’t that bad. It makes me wonder how with a certain someone we not only find our feet in such states of affairs but also enjoy them!
I don’t believe age plays any significant role when it comes to amity – friendship or love. Take Ms. L for instance, she belongs to a different generation altogether but we get on like a house on fire. It is not essential for friends to have the same predilections, respecting each other’s preferences is more important. Ms.L’s and my picking is way different when we discuss clothes, cars, colors, drinks or even men; but we both cry at poignant moments – in real as well as reel life, we both enjoy similar books/movies and can’t resist ourselves from exchanging opinions about them later, we enjoy hip-hop as well as Hindustani and we can spend hours talking about anything under the sun.
For the past 7 years my mother has been one of my dearest and nearest friends. It is uncanny how we have graduated from being mother-daughter to soul mates. She has seen me in my worst and my best moments, been there for me through thick and thin not (only) as my mother but (also) as my best bud. Today when we both are thousands of miles apart, I miss her so much – I miss going to Barista and Vaishali with her, I miss listening to Ghulam Ali and Farida Khanum in the middle of the night with her, I miss going out for long drives with her, I miss arguing with her, I miss her – awfully!
