A day at the buses!

So I have no classes till Tuesday now and I decided to go explore the bus system here and do some grocery shopping while I'm at it...

Got up and got ready in time to catch the 1115 bus... route no. 20 that goes to the central bus Plaza and there I would have had to take route no. 19, to go to the Tallahassee Mall.
The bus ride was fine... if a little loud... (the a/c) - got to the Plaza, got off, to look for no. 19 at gate I - we're already at gate I ... no. 20 becomes no. 19 when it gets to the Plaza. Whee.

Got on again and made it to the Tallahassee Mall.... guess what... I was looking for Wal-Mart and Chinese food... there is no Wal-Mart at the Tallahassee Mall. In fact, there is no grocery store at all... It should probably be sued for being very un-mall-like... yet since I was there, I decided to go to the Sports Authority and get me an Ultimate Frisbee. It has some mail-in DVD offer on it... all the more reason to get it. Also, I'm trying to get my classmates together for a game some time... so the equipment is important... any old lawn will do...
Whilst I was there... I also got me some swim trunks... I actually had to go ask a guy in the store if those trunks would be OK in a pool (I'm not wandering about out here in regular Speedos as we know them...) ... he said they were fine... actual trunks... you'd probably get thrown out of a pool back home if you wore those and went swimming... for wearing too many clothes... I think...
Plus, I got to use my debit card for the first time... I wanted to see how it'd go with the PIN and all but meh... he just swiped it and had me sign an invoice... anti climax...

So, with time to kill until the next bus arrived... I decided to have some food... Chinese food was at least available here... but it could've been better... oh well.. the price of my mistake... while the bus ride was free... the food was only passable...

Once I'd finished, I realised that I got to the bus stop in time... had I waited until the time printed in my schedule... I'd have missed it... apparently they change it on the fly? But a woman waiting with me seemed to know...
By this time I'd figured that I needed to get back to the Plaza and catch no. 22 - that would take me to a mall with Wal-Mart in it... So back we go... (Sisyphus?) and go to gate R - for no. 22... but there's no. 28 standing there... well, the lady whom I heard talking at the Tallahassee Mall was going to Wal-Mart as well and she was waiting in line for the bus... so I just followed her...

Got to the mall at 2... the next bus was at 3... or 4...
Well, I had a small shopping list but it's amazing how quickly time can pass if you're wandering in one of those stores. I was pretty sure I was not going to make the 3 o'clock one and I nearly didn't make 4... but then... I got there in time and he was late... so it was all good...
Got some groceries, some other kitchen utensils and a foot pump for my bike!

Came back to the Plaza - Gate J for no. 20 is closed. No. 19 is standing there... will it turn back into no. 20, when it had gone the other way around first? Of course not... go wait on a hill for no. 20 which is also late... (which is actually good since our bus was late) but he came in decent time...

Now here's a tip if you ever find yourself going grocery shopping (to Wal-Mart definitely... can't say about the others yet...) by bus... master the art of creating lesser packages.
Wal-Mart gave me about 532 bags and I had to make 3 parcels out of those... or I'd never have gotten on and off on time...
I was actually going to take a picture of the 700 bags we got when I moved in but my father efficiently put all of them in one and spoiled the big photo op... and I was not going to make a mess again...

The bus system here is good... IF you adhere to *it's* timings... you can't just get up and decide to go catch a bus to somewhere... it doesn't work like that... but these times are manageable... at least for now... eventually, the shopping buddies should help but let's see how that pans out...

Now, I'm back and baking cookies. I have an appointment with my adviser tomorrow and I need to give him some... I call him Boss and myself his minion... he wanted Minion cookies. I'm not going to chop myself up for him... and I don't have enough time to get all the things together and make them from scratch. The Pillsbury dough boy comes to the rescue! Refrigerated cookie dough - just place and bake!!
Some things are so easy to get used to here... it's dangerous!

Also, I've just found out that one of the required readings for Tuesday is 52 pages!
So I'm off to slave over some motivational fodder!

Bis nächstes mal!

The Apartment!

Bah! I knew this would happen but... I am not bovvered to change it back to how it should be.
So you get "after" pictures first and then the "before" ones.


Cooking area


The office


Beddie Bye


Other stuff


The Living Area


How do I turn on the fridge?


Round tables rock for gaming!


The bed was the only thing in "excellent" condition on the apartment checklist. Everything else was merely "good"


You come up with a caption for this.


Woo for closets!


You should totally email me to ask for my address and send me stuff through the snail mail so I can feel warm and fuzzy!

Outside pics when I put in the pics for the general area and college etc.

A roundup of the last couple of days...

So the post didn't come on time. Oh well... no excuses, no apologies. Things happen.
Deal with it!
Does it even matter?

Oh the melodrama... but there was a good reason for this late post.
For (probably) the first time in my life, I was being productive at the PC yesterday... answering correspondence, activating my debit card, checking my mail (the regular kind...) etc etc. Makes me feel all grown up!

Yesterday was fine. Got up, biked to college... cooled down...
New class: EDP 5217 - Learner Motivation - Same teacher.
I'm getting more acquainted with the fellow classmates and it should be good fun!

It was a sunny morning, but just as wrapped up, a lady in class happened to say that she wasn't going anywhere... it was suddenly raining!
I mooched about for a bit and then started home as soon as it abated.
Of course... I got caught in another downpour on the way home.
It was funny and infuriating. Brilliant blue sky to the left, dull gray to the right... small raindrops... I'm praying for five minute relief before it comes down... The Powers That Be say: "Hell no!" and it starts pelting. I sought shelter under a tree which was conveniently around and hoped that perhaps it'd be over in five minutes. Eventually, the benevolent tree was no longer effective, I gave it up as a bad job and started biking onward...
Of course... the moment I turn in at the community entrance... it lets up... as I get to my apartment, it's all blue... as I dismount, the thunder rumbles in a wicked chuckle... at having got me.
THE UNIVERSE IS OUT TO GET ME!!!1 OMG!!1 OHNOES!eleven

Riiight... back to Earth...
Came home to read that there was a tornado warning in effect.
One symptom of tornadoes is that there is a silence after a rain storm... and of course... there was silence all round after the rain. No breeze, no one out and about, no rain, no clouds moving... and then... a leaf moved!! But the tree didn't blow away... so no Oz trips for me yet... :'(

I got what are effectively, disaster preparation and management tips for storm season here... they are almost apocalyptic in their descriptions but thunder storms are really the worst that I'm supposed to expect here... Though it's good to know all those safety tips...

The evening was spent being productive... and then an attempt to go to bed early since class was at 9 this morning... For some reason I'm having trouble falling asleep... just thinking too much...
You'd think the biking would tire me... hmm... At least it's not as bad as just before my visa interview... where I'd be up till 5am and get up after 1pm....

Oh well... got up today, a little sleep deprived... once I set out... wondered if the bike was a good idea... everything was misty at 8am! But I stuck to it and my perseverance won! No rain and none coming back either.

Today's class: EDP 5217 - Theories of Learning and Cognition for Instruction.
The instructor is called Dr. Valerie Shute and she seems nice as well. Enthusiastic and open and she had a task for us... to draw (that's right) four things on a piece of paper and find someone we didn't know. We had to talk to them about each other's papers and then introduce our partner.
The four things we had to draw were:
1. My Greatest Accomplishment (I drew a kid giving me a Teachers' Day card)
2. My Greatest Possession (I drew myself giving a friend a Friendship Day card)
3. What I want to be when I grow up (I drew a Best Teacher Award) [Is there a pattern here, do you think?]
4. What I would do if I had only a year to live (I drew a passport, an airplane and an island with a palm tree)

If you haven't figured the descriptions and their meanings out... please seek help!

It was pretty amazing to hear about and hear from the classmates... I am going to enjoy this.
Everyone is here because they want to be and not because they have to. They are OK with saying "I don't know" and are willing to help where they can. It's fantastic!

So yeah... that common theme up there... It's pretty obvious where it's pointing me but with my being pragmatic, I know I will have to defer my "vocation" for a while whilst I get other things done.
I have a meeting with my adviser day after tomorrow and I shall pick his brain about certain ideas I have and see where that leads me...

Tomorrow - explore the bus lines, go grocery shopping and get chinese food!
Whee!

Random reflections, musings and amusing tidbits:

Yesterday I saw two girls collapse in a fit of giggles on a sidewalk. Randomly. Just like that. Was both, scary and amusing.

Today, there was a guy standing near the library with a board declaring Free Hugs. [And the answer is: No - I was on a bike]

Americans seem very patient with cyclists and give a wide berth to you if you're on one...
Not sure whether it's concern for you or worry about you being silly. Perhaps concern that you'd get hit and sue them, perhaps?

The friendly vibe continues... got waved at by a random cyclist in the community today... always a nice feeling. Such similar interests might be the key to making friends here... cycles, food, study, Ultimate!

I actually played Ultimate for half an hour on the 21st! Some kids were playing on the lawn in front of the library and after watching me watch them for a while, a couple came up and asked me to jump in. It was nice. Still getting settled here but I think in a couple of weeks I will start going to pickup games... once I figure the buses out... those games are late in the evening.

American Universities are giant energy guzzling behemoths, but after spending one class on monday with it being 30 degrees in the room, (closed windows, no ventilation), I've decided that a/c is good. Sorry polar ice-caps! :-(

There are people in my course who are getting paid to study and their accommodation and course all paid for... by respective armies... it almost, *almost* makes me want to sign up but... I'm a wuss and my formal education is *almost almost* done...
Oh well... but those guys are amazing...

I have now gotten obsessed with the Blackboard discussion group for EME 5601 - there's a thread there that lets us get acquainted with each other... these guys' observations about each other and their own stories are brilliant. I know I'm gushing but believe me... I'm not overdoing it...

More... as and when they come...

First day at grad school!

hah!

Well... first day in an American grad school.

I was happy to get out of the house today. Other than the fact that I would have had to do so, anyway... it being first day of classes and all... I've been stuck in the house [and yes, I know that a post on the house is due... tomorrow... I promise.] for three days, thanks to tropical storm Fay, that became tropical depression Fay.
From Friday afternoon till Saturday afternoon, the rain didn't stop. I'm not kidding.
I never thought a day would dawn where I'd pray for the rain to stop but it did...
It's not a huge volume when it comes but it's a pretty decent volume that just keeps on going... as if it were on Duracell batteries...
Dad managed to take back the umbrella we'd brought along, with him and thus, I was stuck - no umbrella, no car, no raincoat... nothing to do...
Yet, with the internet on... I survived.

I was praying that things would let up today (they were supposed to, according to the weather people) and they did.

After a restless night, I got up, had breakfast, got ready, mooched about on the web for a bit, had a sandwich for lunch and off I was!
My vehicle... My new bicycle. I haven't biked at all in the last 5 years and this was tiring... I'm not pooped - which is a good thing... shows I'm not in terrible shape...yet I have a feeling I won't have too much trouble getting to sleep tonight. In fact, this post almost didn't happen... I was ready to fall asleep at the desk... yet, being the good boy I am, I decided to do the dishes... which has given me a spurt of energy that brings you this post. Yay for the dishes!

It took me twenty minutes to get to school. Parked the bike near the Education building [Yes I know... pictures of my college are also due but I don't quite promise as to when those will come up] and I just sat around for about ten minutes, getting my breath and strength back.
Note to self: From tomorrow, carry a water bottle and a towel.

The class was fun. Today's class: EME 5601 - Introduction to Instructional Systems. The teacher is called Dr. John Keller and he seems like quite a nice guy.
He gave a brief introduction to class procedures... though not quite to the subject and we had a small learning/diagnostic exercise in class.
A Ph.D student gave us her research survey - representing mental models as graphs. It involved representing our understanding of a problem set to us, through the use of circles (nodules/vertices) and links (edges, showing correlation).
The teacher decided to gauge our knowledge about Instructional Systems by asking us to relate, according to us, what an Instructional Designer would need to do, to create a study unit for 5th graders...
It was fun... I wonder if he will give feedback.

After class, I went and spent some money. I needed change for a fifty!
Got a keychain for all the keys I'm collecting and a teddy bear in an FSU jersey! I still need something to cuddle!

Our FSU ID card is a jack of many trades.
It is my ID card, library card, can act as a debit card and also has a chip on it, on which I load money. I need that to use the laundry at this apartment community.... hence the need to change a fifty. Those cash to chip machines don't take fifties and I wasn't interested in putting so much money on the card either.

I cycled back - another twenty minutes - at approximately 6 km total, each day and three days a week (at least) of cycling... I should get into pretty neat shape by the time I'm done here. Woo!
As I mooched around, getting my breath and strength back (again), I hailed a neighbour.
I'd already been leaning towards procrastinating the laundry again but I saw him coming back with an empty laundry bag and decided to go grill him about the way the laundry works.
We ended up talking for about half an hour and I made a new friend!
Well, Andrew and I didn't talk about laundry but he's at FSU for a graduate program in Religion and he happens to be focussing on Hinduism. So that led to different topics... he also a teacher... and I have a neighbour/friend to bother here! Yay!
He's also offered to let me tag along on grocery trips.. which is also great!

So yeah.. graduate life... by oneself... at this point, not very different from what I've been doing these last two years... except for the lack of friends/acquaintances at this point... but with one down, another hello at the laundry and getting a little more comfortable with my classmates... things are looking up!

On a concluding note... I have a point to ponder.
Whilst it's only natural that people are drawn to people similar to them, I wonder whether complete insularity in a community such as this, where tons of graduate students come from all over the world, is completely healthy. The Indians, the Koreans, the Chinese and the others seem to form some sort of nationalistic herds and don't seem to delve outside of them too much.
Call me elitist, call me weird, call me an explorer... but I think it's always more interesting to get to know new people and new points of view... where is the adventure? where is the experience in sticking to what/who we know...

(Disclaimer for the above: I am, by no means, claiming to be the most outgoing, enthusiastic, extroverted person around. I'm actually pretty shy as far as making first contact goes but I'm working on it.. and if you're going to come so far from home to do something, shouldn't you grad all opportunities you get? That's what I'm getting at...)

Troubleshooting call centres!

So I just got my internet connection hooked up!

Followed all the instructions - this laptop has had DSL on it earlier... so I knew the service should work.
Yet... even with all the connections set correctly and all the lights working - no joy.

Call the call centre.
First call was answered after 12 minutes of holding...
Well, actually, it was answered and then apparently hung up.

Dialled again - chose a different option... had a human connect me to another human.
Fairly successful - as far as connections go. Problem solved? No.
The guy was nice enough ... tried different things (turn it off and turn it on again, resetting modem program from his server) then "exhausted all the options available" to him and patched me through to someone else.

New guy... had me do a hard reset - press a little button at the back.
Talked to him for nearly 40 minutes and now that I look back on it... that's all he really managed.
Finally, he patched me through to HP, wondering if the machine was a problem... (he could've asked me... I could've told him that...) and he went off the conference call.
I was stuck with HP guy and he said everything was fine. I could have told him that...

Dial again... "Call will be attended in approximately 15 minutes"

Hang up.

Dial again.

I get through to Adam right away.

Here's a tip for life in America - If you're told your call be attended to in so many minutes, hang up and dial again. Worked for me... but then... disclaimers include that this works for TLH Embarq services... we do not vouch for any other services and cannot be held legally responsible for the same. All evidence to the contrary is hearsay and this message will self destruct in 5 seconds...!

Riiiiight... back to Earth...

I'd already asked the guy previous to Adam if I needed to clear TCP/IP settings... apparently he didn't realise what I was asking because this was during conference with HP.
I'd already deleted all previous connections but my laptop was still told to use certain settings which were no longer valid.

Adam was sort of a lucky charm and at least seemed to have a sense of humour and a nice laugh.
He asked me how I was and I said that I wasn't happy and should I tell him about it?
He told me to go right on ahead.

Yet, during this time, I decided to use my head and tell the PC to find TCP/IP settings automatically. Voila! Gtalk signs in... yet no web pages... so I asked Adam if I needed to automatize (hmm... that's a word... no red line below it) DNS as well... and he said yes... and voila! web pages.

Change stuff in IE - MSN comes online.
Tell YIM to not use proxies... it comes alive...

Adam said I ought to have called him before the other guys... I told him to mention in a report that people should be asked these questions before scratching their heads too much.

The simple rules of IT:

1. Turn it off and turn it on again
2. See if it is plugged in
3. See if everything is connected together properly
4. See if your computer is doing too many things or things that it doesn't need to do.
5. First and foremost, tell the PC to figure things out by itself and if it doesn't then fiddle (and pray)

And no... that order is not in the wrong sequence!

These trouble shooting call centres... who's going to troubleshoot them?!

Mamma Mia!

Today we saw a nice movie.
If you're a fan of ABBA, go find Mamma Mia! somehow.
It's the movie adaptation of a musical, based on the songs of ABBA!

Two hours (including promos) pretty nicely spent.
An ensemble that did a good job of having fun together, being campy, slightly irreverent, singing songs... yet not at the drop of a hat... all against the backdrop of gorgeous greek islands and sunshine...

Makes me want to go to Greece.
Makes me want to see the actual musical!


That was random but a note for now:

Tomorrow, we shift to my apartment.
There is no internet connection there yet.
I have no phone.
Dad leaves on the day after.

With all of these things coming together... updates/emails/notes/scraps might be a little less forthcoming.

Yet.

The FSU has tons of computers for student use.
The labs are open till late.
With the friendly people, perhaps the installation service will be prompt.
I've applied for an assistantship which is just fantastically ideal to everything I've done. Wish me luck, send positive vibes that I get it... so get a social security number... so get a phone.
Send me vibes for other jobs and general goodness.
I will have classes only on M, T and W.. and perhaps might drop the one on T as well.

So... tons of time and almost tons of resources and I might not be all gone... but a note nonetheless.

Impressions...

We flew in to Tallahassee from Charlotte, North Carolina, to bright sunshine at about 7pm...

The moment we got off the plane on to the jetty... it was like being back in Mumbai.
I've never been to this part of the world at this time of the year...
Usually we visit in April or May and there is usually a slight nip in the air... somewhere...
If it was slightly disappointing to miss the blast of cool air as we stepped out of the airport in New York, it was positively shocking to be assailed by heat and humidity in TLH...

To be entirely honest, I'd been warmed about humidity in TLH but I was feeling cocky about it. Having lived in Mumbai... there's nought much that can scare me as far as heat and humidity go.
Yet... with this sort of preconceived notion, it was a smack across the face when we arrived here.

The heat isn't unbearable. Honestly, it's not even as bad as Mumbai.
If you stick to one place, then you're going to be hot and bothered but if you move, do something or there's the slightest breeze, it's all quite comfortable.
One thing that will take getting used to, is this amazingly bright sunshine that they seem to have here. In talking with dad and discussing how the latitudinal position of Florida shouldn't really affect the brightness of the sunshine as much (straight v. slanting sun rays), he happened to mention that there is less pollution here... less fog and haze... hence the brightness. Good point.

Tallahassee is small.
Quite small... though it is somewhat strange.
We're staying at a hotel which is within 5 and 15 min (walking distance) from practically every pat of the campus I will need.
There are tons of food joints nearby. Downtown is a bit of a hike, yet the utilities office is around the corner.
All said and done... the malls and grocery stores are sort of out in the boondocks!

The apartment where I will be staying is roughly 2 miles from campus.
We are looking at getting a bike for me. I could even walk (or bus) but the bike seems to offer most flexibility and least tedium.
Yet... if I want to go grocery shopping, I foresee requiring two buses, a friend willing to drive me around or... stealing a car...
This will be interesting...

This place was called rubbish by some cousins of a friend. These cousins live in Orlando, big party place about 5 hours away by road, and I don't doubt they'd think this town is a bit of a one horse place... for the first two days that we got here... there was not a soul to be found anywhere around. With people on vacation, not even the lone tumbleweeds meander through here... unlike old westerns...

Yet...

There are trees and trees everywhere.
From all my previous trips to the US (and even as we mused on it whilst in the plane)... I've learned that this country is pretty plain and flat. The Rockies are about the only exciting part and those, too, are limited to a few states.
Having been around a fair bit in the region of the US known as the Midwest... well... that is nothing but corn,wheat and cows.
TLH... has no mountains... yet tons and tons of trees. And it's absolutely splendid. There's actually a national forest somewhere nearby and that's what we flew over as we landed at the airport (8 flights, total, in a day I believe...) and it was pretty neat... for some reason...

One hears about the famed southern hospitality in the US.
Yet... one also experiences/wonders about a certain amount of xenophobia when visiting a foreign country but after nearly a week here, I think I can conclude that the people here are genuinely friendly...
Lots of smile, Hi-how-are-you?s, people easily willing to help or just a nod whilst walking on the street. It is... refreshing? heart warming? endearing? contagious??

On sunday, dad and I went about for a stroll in downtown TLH and returned empty handed... not a ghoul whispered on the wind and I was wondering what the deal was... yet... as move in day nears (the 20th - tomorrow) and residence halls prepare to open... we saw a number of families at the Wal-Mart yesterday... doing precisely what we were... shopping for a new year... for a new experience...

I've already had a sampling of the new experience.
I registered for my classes yesterday and there is an online tool called Blackboard, which is a mix of communication, teaching, learning and repository of information for courses here...
One of my teachers has already opened up some material for viewing and the experience promises to be new, interesting, stimulating, challenging.

For now... I am excited!

Nice!

Just filing a quote away for posterity. Saw it on a former classmate's gtalk:

The world's happiest friends never have the same characters. They just have the best understanding of their differences.

Very nice!

Tomorrow:

Impressions of Tallahassee

Check in!

Checking in from TLH...

Today was a productive day -

1. Registered at the International Centre
2. Got my FSU ID Card
3. Set up a bank account.
4. Got my housing invoice for the assigned apartment...

Did a few other things.
Managed to lose a fair bit of money... lose as in lose... not gamble...

It's not a nice feeling - carelessness... should definitely not be made a habit.
I don't. I haven't. Yet... when one does things like this... rare as they may be... it can be a little unnerving.

Yet... it has happened... what can be done about it? But... learn...

And not do it again...

Yikes!

Well, I lied... or maybe not...

This post comes from Charlotte, North Carolina.
Waiting for a connection to TLH.

The tiredness is setting in now... we just calculated that we've been on the road for 27 odd hours now
At least another 5 to go.

Ho ho ho!

First impressions:

Slight anti climax at airport - the only thing I was asked was if this was my first time studying in the USA...
The Customs guy only got a currency declaration signed...

The Immigration guy actually asked dad more things than he asked me!

Second - Culture shock?
Previously, whenever I visited, it was always a social visit/tourism.
You see these people in their environment, doing whatever it is they do and you know that you're only passing through.
Now... the realisation that many of those things will be part of your life... as you come here on more serious business in what *is* a foreign land... is a little shocking.
Still not ga-ga yet.

Wondering how it will be once I finally am by myself...
Dad has been doing ALL the work until now...

I think it's going to be the way you feel when you jump into a pool of cold water - breathless but then... quite alive!

Let's see.
For now, I'm just reminding myself to breathe...

Next post... from Tallahassee

Well, this post is scheduled to go up after I leave for the airport...

Just a note to say that the next post will be from the Land of the Free, the Brave, the Mighty and Super Sized!


Ordinarily, I am not one to go ga-ga over idols, in fact I'm pretty against the idea on principle... yet that doesn't preclude me from appreciating nice idols or pictures... done in a different way.

People offer prayers to Ganpati when starting on a new venture. The staff at SPM almost gave me an idol but I opted for a coupon... and as I was catching up with friends in Mumbai a couple days ago, I saw three very nice Ganpati idols... and a day later... a very nice painting...
So.. slightly tongue-in-cheek ... I put up the pictures as I prepare to leave on a new venture!



The Scholar



The Farmer



Lounging



In the Lounge!

Sisyphus is back!

So yeah... those three questions from yesterday....


When I went to the RTO, there was a doctor who needed to sign a medical form...
He commented that I was a simple person...
I thought this comment stemmed from my monosyllabic answers to the questions he asked.
However... he mentioned that his observation stemmed from my signature...
My dad suggested that I sign the way I do... when we first applied for my passport when I was 8!
Did my dad make me a simple person?
Is he one?
Is it a good thing?
How simple is too simple? Which simple is good?

Would you call me a simple person?

Is there a simple answer to this??



Once we got back from the RTO, Dad and I were discussing various people... his colleagues etc etc and it led to him saying that as a family, we were pretty content/satisfied with what we have and never really hanker for more.

It's a little hard for me to comprehend alternate viewpoints which are always looking for more...
Is it greed? Discontent? Ambition? Pathos??
Where does one file that?

Like I said, I'd rate myself as a 9 on the contentment list (out of 10) - where are you?

To recap the questions:

1. Would you say I'm a simple person? Qualify answer with reasons please.

2. What is your idea of contentment/satisfaction?

3. On an ascending scale from 0 to 10, rate your satisfaction/contentment with your current existence.

Sisyphean reflections....

So yeah... those three questions from yesterday....


When I went to the RTO, there was a doctor who needed to sign a medical form...
He commented that I was a simple person...
I thought this comment stemmed from my monosyllabic answers to the questions he asked.
However... he mentioned that his observation stemmed from my signature...
My dad suggested that I sign the way I do... when we first applied for my passport when I was 8!
Did my dad make me a simple person?
Is he one?
Is it a good thing?
How simple is too simple? Which simple is good?

Would you call me a simple person?

Is there a simple answer to this??



Once we got back from the RTO, Dad and I were discussing various people... his colleagues etc etc and it led to him saying that as a family, we were pretty content/satisfied with what we have and never really hanker for more.

It's a little hard for me to comprehend alternate viewpoints which are always looking for more...
Is it greed? Discontent? Ambition? Pathos??
Where does one file that?

Like I said, I'd rate myself as a 9 on the contentment list (out of 10) - where are you?

To recap the questions:

1. Would you say I'm a simple person? Qualify answer with reasons please.

2. What is your idea of contentment/satisfaction?

3. On an ascending scale from 0 to 10, rate your satisfaction/contentment with your current existence.

Oh wait...

Sisyphus is back!

Two reflections did arise from this day...
Details tomorrow.. hopefully...

For now though:

1. Would you say I'm a simple person? Qualify answer with reasons please.

2. What is your idea of contentment/satisfaction?

3. On an ascending scale from 0 to 10, rate your satisfaction/contentment with your current existence.
For what it's worth... I'd say 9.
Again... qualifications are encouraged but perhaps not necessary... though I may poke you on IM about it.

Feedback pls - possibly through private communication!

2.17 am... Sisyphus sets forth with Hypnos again!

Forget Phoebus... just call me Sisyphus!

Well, before we go on... click on the following words for the Sisyphean Myth!

Sisyphus seemed to be a pretty sharp fellow... yet today felt more like his punishment than anything else...
The cartpushers in Zeus complain about it: "Back and forth, back and forth... I'm beginning to feel like Sisyphus!"

Got up in the morning after about six hours of sleep... but dad was driving... so no sweat.
Went to the Regional Transport Office, to apply for an International Driving Permit.
Here's how it goes:

1. Get a form
2. Fill the form
3. Get photocopies
4. Get another form
5. Get doctor's sign on first form
6. Fill second form
7. Prove you're not a criminal
8. Get your (first) sign verified by signing twice (and thrice) from an Assistant Regional Transport Office - [she will be entertaining off duty colleagues during this time]
9. Pay the fees
10. Get a receipt
11. Go attempt to submit all the forms
12. Be ignored
13. Be called inside the submission booth for another sign
14. Be told to come collect it tomorrow
15. Ask to confirm the time
16. Be ignored
17. Be told to come collect it tomorrow...
18. I'll be collecting it tomorrow...

And of course... all of this was in different places, with people away for meetings and the like...

Back and forth, back and forth!

We came back, had lunch - needed to get Travellers Cheques - go to the bank.

1. Bank doesn't have enough TCs
2. Current bank branch doesn't have TCs at all
3. Withdraw money
4. Go to alternate branch
5. Submit already filled/signed form
6. Be asked for photocopies
7. Be asked for tickets - which were not mentioned before
8. Get a LOT of TCs in small denominations... (happy autograph practice!)
9. Go to Thomas Cook and get details
10. Be told that Thomas Cook doesn't accept cash over a certain limit; also, be asked to get I-20 and tickets
11. Attempt to convince Cook to take a cheque
12. Return to bank to return withdrawn money
13. Come home
14. Get tickets
15. Get to Thomas Cook and realise you have the wrong tickets
16. Come home
17. Be handed proper tickets and the motor cycle keys
18. Back to Thomas Cook
19. Get TCs [-higher denominations this time... YAY!]
20. Leave
21. Realise you need to give them some more details [-but you're only at the gate this time]
22. Go back and give details
23. Shop on the way
24. Finally get home

Did I mention I'm going to collect the Driving Permit tomorrow?

Back and forth, back and forth!

Pack...
Get this, get that, toss that, chuck it, find everything, discover new things, weigh, remove stuff, repack, leave things to Fate, chatter...

It's 2.12 am

Sisyphus... signing out!

Unconditional Friendship...

I just got back from seeing Frankie off at the airport. He's on his way to Switzerland for a year, on International Youth Exchange. Frankie is technically one of my students, but more of a friend. He did learn from me - German, among other things and I got to learn from him.
For all my talk of friends as mirrors, Frankie... is a mirror and a good one... though I'm not sure he's exactly aware of how much of a good friend he has been for me.... but that's OK.
Like I said, you need not smother your friends with pressure - especially the ones which are best for you, by telling them you consider them (one of) your best friend(s)...
To this day, I haven't told any of the three people I consider/ed (at one time or another) my best friends... that I felt this way and I prefer it like this...

This post though... dedicated to Frankie...

With my other best friends - the cases were different. I was myself with them. One accepted me as is, had fair expectations about me, is a lovely fellow himself and is still in touch. It is for this unbiased acceptance from him that makes me very comfortable with him.

The other one - well, we haven't talked in two years - yet when we did... it was all good - a fair amount of trust was bestowed upon me, the acceptance was not quite unconditional but it was still acceptance and an intelligent ear was lent for whatever I had to say and stimulating discussion took place.
This person believes that all relationships have a shelf life and that one should make the best of one, while one can... these are not necessarily views I agree with... in fact... I'd stay in touch with certain special people one way or another.. forever... but as it stands... our relationship expired and while I'm not sure I count this person as a friend anymore... she was one of the best ones I had... for the conversations we had and moreso.. for the thing I learned from the expiry of our interaction...

Frankie... he is new. Like I said... a student... the age difference is pretty big.
Yet... for his occasional childishness and childlike wonder at many things, he has a very good head on his shoulders. Can come off as abrasive but impress him and you're all set.
To his credit, he listened intelligently every time I lectured him on some point or the other, he was frank enough to say when the lectures bored him... yet subsequent interactions proved that he had been paying attention throughout...

The best gift that he gave me was never ever patronising me...

I think you will know that there are times when we act a little petulant with our friends in the hope that they will indulge us and massage our ego at some point... yet this never happened with Frankie... calling a spade a spade, I got a sort of taste of my own medicine and while it was bitter to begin with... the subsequent reflection on it made me learn things about him, about myself and made me grow. This might sound weird but I really appreciated it.. especially when there were no ulterior motives in being blunt... he was not being mean... just matter of fact and now I know how other might feel when I do it. Yet... I can do it now with better understanding and responsibility towards the person I'm being blunt with...

This post talks about him... it made me reflect on the self... and brought about an unconditionality in my behaviour towards him. His straightforwardness has led to a tremendous increase in my affection for him and I have very little doubt that I would do for him, whatever he asked me to do... and also a trust in him that he would not ask me to do anything stupid... not dangerously so anyway...

How many of you have any sort of unconditional friendship or regard for anyone?

It can get trying... as Frankie prepared for his trip there... he got busy... a little inaccessible... times when I wanted to talk to him, he was unavailable... no replies to texts and all...
It's at this time that it can get trying and one starts to think if there is any deliberateness involved in this lack of communication... yet... whenever we met, talked after any of this... the signs were clear that none of it was deliberate.

Patience, regard, trust, thankfulness, maturity(?)... are among the few things I believe I have learned from him... due to him... in one form or another... for one situation or another...

You need not take my word for it, you need not even believe me... but perhaps my actions and interactions with you might prove the point... or perhaps there's no point to be proven at all. I am blessed for having known this boy. He is neither special, nor amazing, nor awe inspiring... he is a mirror and thus... all of the above...

Over the last few months as I mulled and reflected on these thoughts, the following questions occurred to me:

do you think it's possible (and healthy) to be an unconditional friend?
to do whatever your friend asks you
even though they might not care for you as much
or for them you're a buddy who has uses and is good at some things
while not part of the mainstream friend circle?

It would be good if the readers could get back to me with their thoughts.
In comments if you like, by email if you prefer... with your permission, I might share this feedback.

I actually sent these questions to CoCo and his response is pasted below:

"In response to your question about friendship. This is interesting because, in a lot of ways, JDM has been that kind of friend for me. And we actually had a massive argument about it at one point, how he is always there for me but it is not necessarily reciprocated. JDM will drop what he's doing and help me if I'm in trouble. He'll drive to my place to go for a walk with me and will ditch work and the people he's with. He'll stop what he's doing if I need to talk to him. He's done tons for me. He's also not in my mainstream circle of high school friends. Throughout all of high school JDM was this mythical figure to all my friends that I talked about a lot and hung out with a lot but no one ever saw. People began to joke that he was just my invisible friend and he didn't actually exist.

The thing with JDM though is that he doesn't have "his uses" as you put it...that makes it sound like I'm using him, which I'm not...I just enjoy talking to him and we have a lot in common and play music and do all these other things.
Now putting all that aside, to actually answer your question: is it healthy to be an unconditional friend? all I can say is to be a LITERALLY unconditional friend is unhealthy. There has to be a line somewhere. I think sometimes JDM has stepped over that line (driving to my place and leaving work was probably the most ridiculous), but I probably have somewhere along the way too. But generally you have to say no sometimes and live your own life and make the friend work on things themselves at some point. You can't constantly be coming to your friend's aid at every beck and call.
A) you need to have your own life and it should hold a high enough degree of importance that at some point your life takes greater importance over the life of your friend,
B) you need to let your friend have his own life and deal with his own stuff without having your shoulder to cry on all the time and
C) you both need to think for yourselves and be separate and distinct people, not living this weird melded life.

"to do whatever your friend asks you even though they might not care for you as much". First of all you can't do whatever your friend asks you all the time...i mean, JDM tells me to do heroin, um..no i think I'm going to think for myself in that situation, there is always an exception. And if your friend is telling you to do heroin in the first place he probably doesn't care about you as much as you care about him and he probably cares about himself even less if he's doing heroin. also as a little side note: I don't like the ambiguity of the idea of how much someone cares about another. I mean, how do you define who cares about who more? its just like trying to decide which spouse loves which more? It's impossible because both the ideas of caring and loving are very ambiguous and person-specific."

This was pretty educational for me... I never expected a response from the recipient of such unconditional friendship. And a lot of it makes sense...

So write in, tell me what YOU think...

In conclusion, I'd also like to share what my mum told me a couple weeks ago. I have an aunt who's extremely fond of me... she's a cousin aunt... so in some ways this is strange... yet we have similar interests, love to chatter and get along like a house on fire whenever we meet. She has also been keeping an eye out for things that would be helpful for me in my career (she's a psychologist as well) and is generally a very nice person.
When I got my visa, my mum asked me if I had told her yet and I hadn't... so she was a little irriated at me and gave me something to reflect upon.

"जे आपल्यावर निरपेक्षितपणे प्रेम करतात, त्यांची जरा दखल जास्त द्यावी!"

It's not quite verbatim but she said that for people who love us unconditionally and without expectation of anything in return, should be especially taken care of, from our side... albeit in whatever small way...
In fact, I'd add... निरपेक्षित प्रेम जे आपल्यावर करतात, त्यांच्यासाठी अधुनमधुन काही अनपेक्षित आणि थोड्याश्या अलग गोष्टी करायला हव्यात! अशी अपेक्षा आपण स्वतःकडून ठेवावी!
For people who love us unconditionally, we should expect ourselves to do the unexpected for them, from time to time!

Levels of Friendship!

You might find me refer to some of my friends here.
Many of them lie on different levels of the Friendship continuum and this continuum differs for everybody, according to their own experience and thoughts...

Here's mine - from the brightest, to the not so best -


1. Best Friend

As far as I'm concerned, this is a tricky category... which should not be doled out too easily, if at all.
A good marriage/partnership will be between two best friends - yet the jury is still out on whether or not opposites attract... Just the other day, there was an article on how opposites do attract, yet like minded people stay together longer.
And yeah... friends do form groups because they're similar, eh? Dissimilar people make up a team and you don't always need to like each other...

Best friends are there for you. They understand you, pull no punches and are mirrors - showing you a reflection of what you are... so that you may continue, or improve... as the case may be.

One needs to be open to the fact though, that whom you consider your best friend (as in, the friend who's perhaps the best for you) need not consider you the same. And that really is OK.... or it should be...

With best friends, I will neither say that they are "go to" people or that they are "always there" but they are there when required, either in thought, body or soul...

2. Close friends

These are the ones who know you quite well, yet you don't necessarily tell your deepest darkest secrets. They know you, your family, most of your likes and dislikes and for the most part, will be ready to hang out whenever, and wait and clean up after the party.

The distinction between these and you would be the lack of their being a reflective mirror. If at all they mirror you, then it might be more along the lines of "bird of a feather" - they do the same things as you - good or bad, smart of foolish - more groupthink than anything else...

These could also be the "go to" people for many things, at different times.

3. Good friends

Good friends are people you like to hang out with. In fact, in a slightly selfish vein, good friends are the ones you use in a number of ways - yet, without malice or demeaning them.
I have several good friends, who have their uses - especially when I want to rant about someone or something - depending on the person or thing in topic, I would go to a different friend.
Some of these make the right sympathetic noises and let you vent and just get it all out.
Others... might agree and be balm to a hurt ego. Still others, might call you an idiot or add a different point of view to what you're saying.
They fall short of close and/or best friends for they won't be reflective and as far as I'm concerned, they might have one specific utility, as opposed to being a "go to" person for everything.

4. Friends

These are people you'd come across as a result of close cohabitation - classmates, schoolmates, neighbours etc.
These relationships are mostly social in nature, can be good for networking (you know never know who can help where) and are good for Time Pass ... not someone you'd feel close to, or (usually) annoyed by.

5. Acquaintances

People met through common interests, common friends - someone you might only say hello/goodbye to and might keep a visiting card of.
Acquaintances don't end at this level though... many might climb to the higher rungs of friendship.

6. Annoyances

Perhaps through no real fault of their own, these are the people who seem to crave your friendship, company and thoughts. I know exactly how they feel, yet am too dignified to act like them... these are the people who might not take a hint.
Usually, these people are not Annoyances at first. They (almost) always mean well, want to help and be useful. They might ask for assistance themselves, which I'm happy to provide - yet with this assistance, I neither offer nor promise more, nor do I indicate interest in continuing this further. If it doesn't continue and they do take the hint, great...
I wouldn't be rude on purpose to anyone of these people, yet if they can't take the hint that there is no interest.. then rudeness can be necessary... which can lead to rancour... yet... it leads to the next level

7. People who don't matter...

These are the basest kind... as far as their circle of influence over you goes...
People who are in the vicinity, yet neither their thoughts and actions matter... many times due to their actions and inability to take a hint... If one is rude to them, they might take offense and lash out... yet... they simply don't matter ... not their thoughts, not their actions, nor their existence (harsh I know...)
One might say... you're being cocky and harsh at the same time... what if someone was imbalanced?
Well... then I'm trouble, aren't I?
Yet... things have panned out well for the most part here!


Any guesses as to where you fall? ;-)

Reflections no...meditation

Hmm... that *is* a typo in the title... and also not...

I started typing and was about to fix it when I realised that the typo perhaps reflects my thoughts better...!

So I was just discussing meditation and spirituality with O right now and it led me to some older memories...

My maternal uncle's wife - my aunt - is a devout follower of something called Vipassana.
From the moment she knew I wanted to do Psych as a major at college - nigh on six years ago... she kept telling me that I ought to do a meditation course from the Vipassana camps... As a budding psychologist, then order that meditation brings to my mind would help me.

Well, there are two assumptions here... that meditation works and that it brings order.
Perhaps it does bring order to her mind, and to many others I'm sure... or else these movements like Vipassana and Art of Living would not have gotten so much impetus.
Yet, what works for everyone else, need not work for me.

I dislike, slightly, this tendency of people to know what is best. Suggest what you think is best, put it forward as something to think about... but to tell outright...? Um... you're not me! You have no clue what goes on in my head...

When the Art of Living first came into Vaze College, there were a few friends of mine who attended a course and it helped them - I've seen the change occur in them. Yet, when they later were insistent on me doing a course as well, to find inner peace... I got a little ticked. Thankfully, the Wise One was wise enough about it and she decided not to include me in the proselytization.

I mean... meditation is supposed to help you reflect on your self. Why need it be something ordered and sterile? Must one sit in a particular position? Must one empty their mind of everything else? What happened to free association of thoughts? Jumping from point to point can be just as reflective, in my opinion. In fact, it brings a broader scope to the reflection and especially when looking for answers, you never know where one might pop out from. Also, it's not as if free ranging thought precludes you from dwelling on any thought, if you feel like doing that for a while...

People say meditation brings them to a peaceful state.
The most memorable peaceful times for me, were both characterised by noise, slight chaos and movement.

The latest time has already been discussed in this post - where the resonances of Haji Ali really washed away all tiredness and confounded thoughts, to lead to peace. Meditation need not be a means to an end... not that you MUST reflect when you're peaceful... it can be an end in itself.
That's what happened at Haji Ali. If I wanted to be reflective, I could've... however, just that realisation of peace amongst all that hubbub was blissful.

The time before that was in Sweden.
We'd (Mickey and I) gone visiting Red at his mum's place and one of the early plans was that we would go camping one night. However, it'd been raining too much in that week, so we decided to forego camping on an island, just for a canoe ride...
I'd never ridden in a canoe before and that time was brilliant!

Floating on water, almost weightless... with the birds twittering around you, the sound of the breeze as it flows through the trees, the feel of the breeze on your face and little plops in the water as fish, insects and the like wandered in and out of the lake, I felt poetic, connected with the cosmic hole and I just closed my eyes and soaked in the experience.
There was movement around us, there was noise, nothing peaceful, yet nothing violent.

The meditation was in the joy of life itself, of existence.
There is a reason for our existence and that's good enough for us. We should do the best we can and enjoy everything. Life is good but if anything was close to heaven... it was floating on a canoe... surrounded by water... surrounded by life... surrounded by little noises... and peace!

What else do you need to reflect upon??





Point to ponder:
Should meditation really lead to answers to questions - an active, hard process?
Or should it be immediate, complete and perhaps... unsought for?

Power in the Word

I recently read Paulo Coelho's Brida - it was an interesting read.
There are times when I get nothing out of Coelho's work - especially if one reads it as fiction and nothing else. At others, even the smallest things can keep you thinking for a while.

I remember The Alchemist being the first book that made me want to underline lines of text, as I was reading it. As a rule, I dislike making any sort of marks on a book, prefer to keep it as pristine as possible but with the Alchemist, it *was* all about following your dreams...
Unfortunately, I lent my copy to someone and never got it back... and the worst part is... I don't know who I gave it to... AND it was a gift... *sigh*

For the most part though, I sort of agree with my dad when he said that the themes in Coelho's work all seem the same. I won't say same but pretty similar... going after the search of the divine through spiritualism and communion with nature, yourself and the senses...

Brida - is pretty inconsequential as a story or work of fiction (perhaps I'm too harsh but there it is.). However, there are two concepts/beliefs/solutions(?) whatever you like to call it, in the book that I really liked, understood and identified with.
[No idea what the deal with these triple terms is. None whatsoever, not at all!]

The first one that I really liked was: There is power in the word.

The way they handled this in the book is that whenever we say something, we should not say it in a manner of finality.
Rather than say, "the last time I was here", you should say, "When I was here before" - else it might just turn out to be the last time you do go to that place. This seems incredibly fatalistic, yet it has a certain kind of allure. It has an innate optimism in it and a grain of positivity that I like.

I confuse myself sometimes. I'm far from the most optimistic person alive. In fact, I'm pretty cynical and use it as a strategy. To lower expectations slightly, to prepare for something not happening, is my brand of Realism - allows me to be Zen and if at all something does work out... it leads to happiness. (Happiness or nothing!). A few years ago, one might even have called me pessimistic. I realise people grown, and I KNOW I have grown... though have I really gone that far? To lose the cynicism totally?

As I sit here and write this, it occurs to me, perhaps, that the cynicism is a defense mechanism against disappointments in the personal domain, especially as far as expectations and achievements go. Yet... for the larger part, in the broader sense, I think I prefer to be more optimistic and hopeful... perhaps for others (whether I have an active part in their achievements or not) - to keep their spirits up and to actually believe in it.
Do you realise what I mean?
Realistic cynicism for self, leading to a defensive bubble and optimistic hopefuless for others, leading to encouragement for them... doesn't sound too bad...

Right... back to the point.
So yeah, I like this "don't be too final" diktat and recently, I've looked to choose my words carefully in this sense. (As I do with the word: try - "do or do not, there is no try", said wise Master Yoda!) It seems to work quite decently. Helps with this entire farewell thing going on as well...

I just finished an IM convo with a friend who "just realised" I would be leaving and doesn't like goodbyes. I said - don't say goodbye, say au revoir, see ya. Something like that. I intend to...
Same sort of thing with my "I'm doing this for the last time... for two years" thought process from Monday...
Recently I was also told by someone that once I go to the US, I will never come back!
A little disturbing... given this belief in power in the word... Why not? Why won't I come back?
Will I be absolutely happy and blissful there? Or...?
Qualify yourselves people!

The Pearls strip below exemplifies this!



(Hehe... this post has been in the making for a few weeks now and I knew after reading today's strip that today was meant to be the day it happened. It's just too apt!)

Be careful what you wish for! Even from your friends. Qualify what you mean, lest you get the wrong sorts of reassurances!

Unknown to myself, and that's why I like this concept so much, I'd already been using this "Power in the Word" concept at school for a while, long before the book came out.

Two years ago, we were playing the Question Game (ask for more details) in a 9th grade class and after the first round, some girls refused to participate again, since they felt the boys were being offensive.
Offensive words are an interesting beast. I gave them an example and asked them to make up their own minds as to what is offensive and what isn't.

P-O-O-P
C-R-A-P
S-H-I-T

Three words, four letters each, same meaning. They are listed in increasing amounts of offensiveness...
The question is... if they mean the same and if one is ok to be used with babies, and the other with irritation at birds, what makes the third most offensive?
Well.. it's offensive because we've decided it shall be offensive...

Take away the offensive connotation and it just happens to be another bodily function...
In fact, I've found it rather interesting lately... Pune drivers are idiots. They cut lanes like nobody's business and while the red light means "go", the green light also means "go" - so all systems are always a "go".
I very rarely swear - almost never in company - except if I'm being facetious with friends and if at all, in private...only into my helmet. (My helmet could tell you stories, it could...) The main reason for this is pure survival instinct (cowardice?) - if I get into a brawl on a street, I shall get my behind summarily kicked and I'd rather it be used as a seating device, as opposed to a football... the other... there is nothing to be gotten from swearing at anyone, once the damage has been done to your vehicle... or if they've gotten away with some stupid driving and the only damage is to your heart through the scare, and subsequently your ego.

However, sometimes you just *have to* yell at people and I've noticed something very interesting. Being stupid in traffic, people seem ready to be sworn at... bring in the family, the neighbour's dog and make all sorts of relationships between them and you. Such insults seem to roll right off a person's back. Yet... if I call them an idiot, a dunce or a myriad of other Marathi equivalents... they seem disconcerted... almost to feel bad... they don't expect it and perhaps they realise they deserve it!
Well, it might only be a personal reality and maybe it's a fancy of mine but it seems to work for me, and I shall continue. Either that... (use the harmless adjectives) or call them "Sons of motherless goats" - amuses me and is impossible. Though I'm not sure some son of a motherless goat would be too interested in seeing the funny side of it when I'd called him what I had. That's why he's a goat, see? No brains.



Look at those vacant eyes!

This power in the word has also been nicely used in a recent movie. Taare Zameen Par deals with the trials and tribulations of a young child with dyslexia and his teacher uses a box with chinese writing on it, to explain to his parents what their child experiences.
The words on the box have a meaning - just not to us.

As such, if we want to avoid people having power over us with their words, strip the words of their meaning. No meaning, no understanding, no power. What I don't know/won't know can't hurt me...
Power in the word!


Another concept I liked from Brida was a certain passage of text.
The main character and her teacher discuss the purpose of our existence on this planet. Who put us here? Why? etc. etc.
Some people use this as the basis for belief in God - God puts us here and s/he has a plan.
Other say that there is nothing here - our life either has no meaning or that we put our own meaning to it and after life ends, there is nothing.
Whether you subscribe to the first belief or the second, there is a great danger of giving up action and only existing... what I mean by this is, for whatever reason, if you either put your destiny in "God's hands" or if you believe that since there is "nothing" after death and there is no point in this existence and you cease functioning, you miss the point of our existence here.

Scientists, priests all strive to find the reason for our existence here.
The characters in Brida deal with it very elegantly. It's quite along the lines of Descartes' Cogito, Ergo Sum.
The teacher says that we exist and there must be a reason for our existence. Perhaps we are not obliged to get a reason, perhaps we are not worthy of knowing the reason. Yet, the very fact that there *is* a reason for our existence, albeit unknown, should be good enough for us to get on with our life and be as good and effective human beings as we can. (An addendum from me) As long as we can achieve that... things will go just fine!

I like this, I understand this.
A few years ago (in std. X) I remember famously declaring that I could survive by myself and I didn't need anyone else for anything; that I'd even dig my own grave, live near it and roll into it when the time came.
O the woeful naiveté of inexperience...
I've even on occasion said that I wouldn't mind if I went to sleep and not wake up the next day. No regrets about my existence here. Well, that sort of belief still exists, yet I'm not ready to go to the Long Sleep... at this point, setting out on some unknown adventure, I feel so brimful of life and some unformed, yet guiding purpose burns somewhere in the recesses of my head!

So yeah... there is a reason for existence. We don't need to know it, yet, it is there and we ought to do our best in everything we do!

And I shall...

On loneliness and the like...

A couple days ago, Auntie was annoying me on IM...
She was asking me if my mother was walking on eggshells, as I prepare to leave.
I said I had no idea and well... even if she were, we're not a family prone to large displays of emotion and we would deal with in our own way, in our own time...

Yesterday as we went to get my shots, I told my mum about this and told her that I'm not used to her going to pieces over things like this and that she'd better not start now.
She said she wouldn't... though she also said that it'd take her a few days to get used to the idea that even though I was away, I wasn't *only* four hours away anymore... more like twenty four...
Fair enough...

She also asked me how I'm doing...whether I'm nervous or excited.
I'd be an idiot if I weren't nervous. It's a HUGE change... when I mention it... a couple people asked me if I was not too keen on going abroad... especially since everyone feels that with me having travelled as much as I have... this would be a cakewalk.
I *have* travelled a lot.
That was tourism. This is much more serious.

The life there is very easy to get used to. Moreso when you know you will be getting back.
I will be coming back even this time... just after a longer interval....
And it's definitely exciting... all the possible opportunities there... for new experiences.. to be grabbed... help me grow... fill in to the jug that is me... that I spill over once and touch others...

I was talking to a classmate of mine yesterday. One from school. He's already abroad and mentioned that he was lonely and he would come back right away if he could. But that was the loneliness talking... hope he feels better soon.

But that got me thinking...
It's true... despite having lived by myself for what amounts to four years in two stints...I've never been too far from family, too far from friends.
Too bored to cook? Call grandma.
Feel like wanting to talk to someone? Ring a friend...
This luxury of laziness will be gone now...
Too bored to cook? Too bad! A poor student cannot afford the luxuries of fine dining, nor can his body...
Feel like wanting to talk to someone... Whom do I call?

Though the second part of that is not so bad.
Sometimes I wonder about us as a family... we don't seem to talk too much at meals... some families gather for meals... others don't meet at all, for long periods at a time... I wondered if something was wrong.
Yet... we do talk at other times... before meals, after... late at night... I remember losing my parents their sleep by telling them something extremely funny and amusing and keeping them awake, whilst I sauntered off to bed. We share thoughts, we share ideas... We share other things... Once we confounded Auntie... who came to our house to find all three of us sitting together, not talking, each immersed in a different book...
So when we don't talk... it's not that big a deal... we each have our own things...
If not to parents, if not to local friends... I have the internet!
I can count three extremely good friends I've met online and I can call them good friends even in person... I've actually met two... twice!
The third... some day...
Given the time difference, if I do get lonely, I'd find one of them... or if they have to work... find new ones... The difference isn't exactly shabby if I want to get mobbed by my kids either... if I can find some time free in the morning/afternoon... that's evening here and might run into some of them...

So where is the loneliness? Missing familiar places and people perhaps...
That could be a problem... but for how long? A few days, weeks, a month?
That's just something one has to deal with... It's been a good life till now.. with indicators of it continuing to be the same in the future... yet... without some bumps... how does one learn, grow, prosper?

So sure... I will feel lonely at times... even felt it here at times, when the Gamers had to cancel plans that were made... or were too busy to make any... but I dealt with it... I take lesson from there and decide that there's no conspiracy in that... just life... we go on. We plan for next time...

In Pune, the internet and TV took care of loneliness... in Tallahassee, internet and books, no doubt. To go back to the world of books... to be immersed in lands beyond fancy... or lands near at hand... that will tide me through...

Then I come back to these last two years and remember... that in everyday routine... when tasks are planned, scheduled, required... there is very little time to get bored... time flies and takes you with it and you learn as well...

So...loneliness can be made a companion... yet... with things shaping up as they are... the amount of things I plan, the amount I hear I'm supposed to study and with having found a nice new friend in Tallahassee already... with the promise of some more new ones (that's how the Gamers came about... friends of a friend)... things don't seem that bad!


And no doubt you'll be updated on that here as well....

Bzzzzttttt!

(Imagine that that was some weird alarm for an error on some game show...)

I mentioned a rant and a post long time in the making in the next post...
I need memory pills... I've already posted those thoughts... here!

The post below needs to be read as an update, if not a sequel...