So...here's another musing...
A couple days ago, something upset a friend of mine. I could see him visibly annoyed and I tried to find out what was annoying him. The response I got was that he didn't wish to talk to me (about it).
I think a couple of years ago, such a response would've thrown me into a tizzy of my own annoyance and a feeling of being unwanted or useless or other such really useless thoughts.
Now, at the place in life I am, it did prick but I decided not to make a big deal about it.
My first reaction was to give some cold treatment until he decided to talk. But then I realised that that was petty and he didn't deserve it from me, especially after already being stressed.
It's my problem that I feel unwanted. If and when he thinks I can help him with something, he will come to talk about it. If he has other people to help him, that's great!
So then I decided just to be civil till he goes back to normal, with perhaps a little bit of ice for a bite - enough to prompt him to ask why I was being weird.
My response would've been, "You're not yourself lately and I don't like it.
However, this begs the questions: What is one's true self and what is not?
Is one not allowed some leeway when feeling cranky, tired, upset?
Does some alien invade their body at that time?
How fair is it to accuse someone of not being their own self just because they are not cheerful?
People who are sad, depressed, we say...get yourself together! So...what is the self?
Dictionary.com says:
1. a person's nature, character etc.
2. the uniting principle, as a soul, underlying all subjective experience
3. the ego; that which knows, remembers, desires, suffers, etc. as contrasted with that known, remembered etc.
(these are the only relevant ones)
When we talk about someone's nature, character, a uniting principle, that which knows, suffers....we're talking about something that is made up of many different components. So, each different component might have a distinctive characteristic, which may come to the fore at different times. Perhaps one component is more prevalent than others but others still exist...
Shouldn't we, therefore, just accept our friends as human, offer help where and when we can and be gracious if it is refused? The refusal should not affect the friendship. True friends will be happy that their friends have someone else to help them as well...that means their friend is loved...which in turn helps them to love better.
And in the worst case, they can always come to you when they need it...a friend in need is a friend indeed someone once said and well, being petty or petulant about being shut out...is just not cool.
Point to ponder?
A couple days ago, something upset a friend of mine. I could see him visibly annoyed and I tried to find out what was annoying him. The response I got was that he didn't wish to talk to me (about it).
I think a couple of years ago, such a response would've thrown me into a tizzy of my own annoyance and a feeling of being unwanted or useless or other such really useless thoughts.
Now, at the place in life I am, it did prick but I decided not to make a big deal about it.
My first reaction was to give some cold treatment until he decided to talk. But then I realised that that was petty and he didn't deserve it from me, especially after already being stressed.
It's my problem that I feel unwanted. If and when he thinks I can help him with something, he will come to talk about it. If he has other people to help him, that's great!
So then I decided just to be civil till he goes back to normal, with perhaps a little bit of ice for a bite - enough to prompt him to ask why I was being weird.
My response would've been, "You're not yourself lately and I don't like it.
However, this begs the questions: What is one's true self and what is not?
Is one not allowed some leeway when feeling cranky, tired, upset?
Does some alien invade their body at that time?
How fair is it to accuse someone of not being their own self just because they are not cheerful?
People who are sad, depressed, we say...get yourself together! So...what is the self?
Dictionary.com says:
1. a person's nature, character etc.
2. the uniting principle, as a soul, underlying all subjective experience
3. the ego; that which knows, remembers, desires, suffers, etc. as contrasted with that known, remembered etc.
(these are the only relevant ones)
When we talk about someone's nature, character, a uniting principle, that which knows, suffers....we're talking about something that is made up of many different components. So, each different component might have a distinctive characteristic, which may come to the fore at different times. Perhaps one component is more prevalent than others but others still exist...
Shouldn't we, therefore, just accept our friends as human, offer help where and when we can and be gracious if it is refused? The refusal should not affect the friendship. True friends will be happy that their friends have someone else to help them as well...that means their friend is loved...which in turn helps them to love better.
And in the worst case, they can always come to you when they need it...a friend in need is a friend indeed someone once said and well, being petty or petulant about being shut out...is just not cool.
Point to ponder?
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