What is a calling?
I am awake right now - it's 1.45 in the morning.
I went to bed at midnight.
I need to be up and about at 7.30
Why am I awake?
I keep thinking!
Thinking of what I'm doing here and the future.
I've lost the "off switch" somewhere.
I have literally started having dreams about school and teaching.
It's not homesickness... it's a longing for a certain activity. It seems to be... a calling.
What I'm studying here does not train me to become a teacher.
I will have to do that after I go back to India.
It certainly helps though. Every single time I have to think of an application for what I'm learning... I keep thinking along the lines of how I could do it in school.
My major is aimed at Performance Improvement and Human Resource Development.
This actually means that my "dream" (No real reasons for the quotes there - other than cynicism perhaps) of teaching would mean that I forego what would be a fairly well paying job (even?) in India.
Honestly, I'm OK with that.
I have considered "dreaming different dreams" and the idea doesn't balk me.
My main aim in life will always be travel and broadening my horizons. It is an interest. Is it a passion?
I would say not - not if I'm ready to "compromise".
My experience teaching has been wonderful. I look forward to doing it again.
I could say that I made some difference for some kids and I believe I can say it without conceit.
It was a most wonderful experience. The satisfaction is/was immense.
The kids and the experience have made a difference in me. People in my last graduate course in Pune said as much - they noted the difference in me between my first and third semesters in the course.
I have grown. I feel it. I want to continue.
The challenges?
Societal expectations.
I'm well educated but may not earn as much. At least for some time. I aim to teach between 5 and 10 years and take it from there. I suspect some sort of stagnation and/or bitterness might set in after that time. However, reinventing myself will always be my challenge and I'm up to it.
Another thing that I've been grilled about before... eventual family responsibilities... what about my wife and her aspirations? etc etc.
Well, I will really cross that bridge when I come to it. Honestly, I can again say without deceit, at this time, that I have no issues switching economic roles with a spouse. I'd be more than happy being the supplemental income if she brought home the bacon. Oh that that would happen... Mutual friends, please take note! (Refer to post below for that!)
Honestly, if push comes to shove, I can always switch but for all my plans and backup plans and allowing for eventualities, that is one eventuality that I DO NOT want to arise.
I may be in a bubble.
My experience at school was extremely fulfilling. Yet, how much of it was a function of mine having gone back to my own school to teach? My comfort in the place -- though the people might not necessarily have found it too comfortable and that wasn't all cushy all the time...
It is more a function of the neighbourhood - for better or for worse, the location of the school means that certain sorts of children attend there... when I teach, I'd like to be in the same neighbourhood - because I know I can reach out to those kinds of kids. This is not to say that I couldn't do it with others. However, that might be one thing I would be scared to try. It's been a charmed existence and I don't want certain perceptions to shatter. Is that weak? I'd say it's human.
Guilt?
My parents have taken a lot of trouble to get me where I am (I specifically mean the US).
I know they support my desire of teaching.
Yet, with all that they had to invest in sending me here... there is a certain amount of guilt in going back to a low paying job and not getting a "return on investment" as it were.
Might be shallow, might be stupid. Still true, as far as I'm concerned.
I know I'm definitely richer for the experience of having come here.
I also know that I will be working my butt off, doing my best to ensure that tuition for the rest of my time is waived off... one way or another... Unfortunately, that is not entirely in my hands and that is not entirely comforting.
What is a calling?
Is it this? Being awake because you keep thinking of a certain thing?
Thinking of it even in your dreams?
Am I just being delusional because I'm young, passionate and naïve?
Well, I'm young, perhaps only in body - some people have been calling me grandpa since I was 8.
Passionate? Hell yeah!
Naïve? I hope not.
Delusional? Decidedly not! Oh wait...
Now if only ABBA's "I have a dream" would play on Pandora Radio right now. That'd be like one of those "omens" that make everything clear...
I am awake right now - it's 1.45 in the morning.
I went to bed at midnight.
I need to be up and about at 7.30
Why am I awake?
I keep thinking!
Thinking of what I'm doing here and the future.
I've lost the "off switch" somewhere.
I have literally started having dreams about school and teaching.
It's not homesickness... it's a longing for a certain activity. It seems to be... a calling.
What I'm studying here does not train me to become a teacher.
I will have to do that after I go back to India.
It certainly helps though. Every single time I have to think of an application for what I'm learning... I keep thinking along the lines of how I could do it in school.
My major is aimed at Performance Improvement and Human Resource Development.
This actually means that my "dream" (No real reasons for the quotes there - other than cynicism perhaps) of teaching would mean that I forego what would be a fairly well paying job (even?) in India.
Honestly, I'm OK with that.
I have considered "dreaming different dreams" and the idea doesn't balk me.
My main aim in life will always be travel and broadening my horizons. It is an interest. Is it a passion?
I would say not - not if I'm ready to "compromise".
My experience teaching has been wonderful. I look forward to doing it again.
I could say that I made some difference for some kids and I believe I can say it without conceit.
It was a most wonderful experience. The satisfaction is/was immense.
The kids and the experience have made a difference in me. People in my last graduate course in Pune said as much - they noted the difference in me between my first and third semesters in the course.
I have grown. I feel it. I want to continue.
The challenges?
Societal expectations.
I'm well educated but may not earn as much. At least for some time. I aim to teach between 5 and 10 years and take it from there. I suspect some sort of stagnation and/or bitterness might set in after that time. However, reinventing myself will always be my challenge and I'm up to it.
Another thing that I've been grilled about before... eventual family responsibilities... what about my wife and her aspirations? etc etc.
Well, I will really cross that bridge when I come to it. Honestly, I can again say without deceit, at this time, that I have no issues switching economic roles with a spouse. I'd be more than happy being the supplemental income if she brought home the bacon. Oh that that would happen... Mutual friends, please take note! (Refer to post below for that!)
Honestly, if push comes to shove, I can always switch but for all my plans and backup plans and allowing for eventualities, that is one eventuality that I DO NOT want to arise.
I may be in a bubble.
My experience at school was extremely fulfilling. Yet, how much of it was a function of mine having gone back to my own school to teach? My comfort in the place -- though the people might not necessarily have found it too comfortable and that wasn't all cushy all the time...
It is more a function of the neighbourhood - for better or for worse, the location of the school means that certain sorts of children attend there... when I teach, I'd like to be in the same neighbourhood - because I know I can reach out to those kinds of kids. This is not to say that I couldn't do it with others. However, that might be one thing I would be scared to try. It's been a charmed existence and I don't want certain perceptions to shatter. Is that weak? I'd say it's human.
Guilt?
My parents have taken a lot of trouble to get me where I am (I specifically mean the US).
I know they support my desire of teaching.
Yet, with all that they had to invest in sending me here... there is a certain amount of guilt in going back to a low paying job and not getting a "return on investment" as it were.
Might be shallow, might be stupid. Still true, as far as I'm concerned.
I know I'm definitely richer for the experience of having come here.
I also know that I will be working my butt off, doing my best to ensure that tuition for the rest of my time is waived off... one way or another... Unfortunately, that is not entirely in my hands and that is not entirely comforting.
What is a calling?
Is it this? Being awake because you keep thinking of a certain thing?
Thinking of it even in your dreams?
Am I just being delusional because I'm young, passionate and naïve?
Well, I'm young, perhaps only in body - some people have been calling me grandpa since I was 8.
Passionate? Hell yeah!
Naïve? I hope not.
Delusional? Decidedly not! Oh wait...
Now if only ABBA's "I have a dream" would play on Pandora Radio right now. That'd be like one of those "omens" that make everything clear...
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